As I sit down to write this post and gather my thoughts, journal writings and observations on the topic of being a widow, I find myself grateful for this blog platform. It connects me to readers all over the world I can communicate with.
It is my hope in sharing this path I’ve walked and am still walking, it would offer hope and encouragement to others who are on this unwanted journey.
I’ve decided in my posts, if applicable, to use my own raw and unfiltered journal entries. They are messy, real and have come from the dark broken places in my heart.
Grief is raw, messy and ugly before it starts getting better and you don’t have to make it look pretty.
I remember months after receiving entry to the widowhood club having to indicate my new status on a form in the doctor’s office.
Not married, but now a widow.
I learned early on in my grief as a new widow that no one really understood what that looked like except those who had unwillingly, walked before me.
I was blessed to be surrounded by women who knew and understood, who although our circumstances may have looked different,they had crawled through those first days and nights, weeks and months of trying to live and cope with grief.
With that in mind, it has not been hard to imagine what a young woman may be experiencing in the public spotlight after her husband, Charlie Kirk, was brutally assassinated.
As a widow I share a couple things in common with her.
The swift and unexpected sudden death of your spouse,and being a widow.
I’ve seen some disparaging remarks with strangers weighing in on what her grief looks like. As if she’s doing it in a right or wrong way, if she’s crying or not crying or even smiling. She has been bold in her public display of grief reminding everyone of the ugliness of his death and I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same in her position.
Look at what hate did. Look. At. It.
Then there are all of the unsolicited, unwanted opinions while you are reeling from your loss. All while you attempt to make decisions, and take care of life that is still moving forward at an unrelenting, uncaring pace.
Let me just say, as a Christian woman I know that God gives supernatural strength to stand, to interact with people, to engage, and do what is necessary.
Although not in the public spotlight, I stood and I spoke at my husband’s service and led my family through those dark days. The strength I had and still have, isn’t my own.
Mrs Kirks strength comes from God as she navigates so much while still in shock and I cheer for her knowing in a small way, the weight of this unwanted role, a role you didn’t ask for and didn’t want, all while trying to survive.
Opinions abound when you are widowed.
I know in the months ahead people will still come in with their own opinions on what they “think” she should do or not do or if it looks like she’s grieving and sad enough ( whatever that looks like)
The bottom line though? No one is walking in your shoes. No one understands exactly what you are going through, the daily pain you carry, the agonizing nights, brain fog and mental exhaustion, the unexpected memories that tank you, the survival mode you are thrust into…
The list goes on.
You don’t ask for this new title of widow ( or widower) there is no book to tell you how to navigate every single day you wake up to them being gone, managing a life without them.
You just take in the day and you just do what is necessary to survive.
And I have survived. I’ve lived. I’ve not given up or allowed my grief to keep me down.
I had a word for myself for 2024 and it was “thrive”. Even in my grief and loss I was determined to live, to thrive, to move forward. My husband expected me to keep living even in my pain and I did.
Just note though dear reader, if you’re in this place, not everyone will cheer your courage to live, and to live out loud.
It makes them uncomfortable.
They will have their thoughts and opinions on how you live. Just drown out the white noise, focus on your grief and your healing and keep moving forward.
You may not have signed up for the widowhood club but you can weep and grieve all while moving forward and taking hold of the life you still have left to live.
In the words of an old song by Staind, “it’s been awhile.” Raise your hands kids if you’re one of my 1.5 readers and are still hanging around here.
I started this blog, hard to believe, 10 years ago. It was with the intent to offer sound and practical diet and nutrition ideas in a world bombarded with nonsense in that arena. May I say, the nonsense still abounds. I won’t get started today on the newest hypes with the diet drugs being pushed or the quick fix instant gratification schemes.
Other aspects of wellness include mental, spiritual and emotional health as well to which I hope to branch out into.
You see, in my absence I’ve had a lot of life to live, pain to bear, and deep grief to carry. I’ve navigated much in these past couple years with the loss of my husband, a man I spent over 40 years of my life with.
Grief and loss. It will visit us all in this lifetime and it’s never easy.
I will say as I’ve been on this journey, I’ve learned, grown, cried, pushed forward, cried again, had days where I couldn’t get off the sofa, asked the hard questions, prayed and journaled my thoughts and pain onto paper. I’ve not run from my grief but have allowed it to do what is necessary for me to keep moving forward.
In these two years since his loss I’ve lived a surreal, whirlwind life and I’ve embraced it all.
In this learning and growing, I’ve packed a lot into my life suitcase I carry. Much like the old box we may keep in our closet with pictures, mementos, and other scraps of our life we plan to assemble into a tidy book.
A reflection of our travels if you will, that is how I feel in this journey I’ve been on.
I want to share and unpack what I’ve learned, how I’ve grown, and the faithfulness of God to see me through some of my darkest days.
I feel confident I’m not alone in this journey and you my readers, or others, may be out there at a loss for words or unsure how to unpack this suitcase of life’s souvenirs.
My blog offers the perfect background to unpack my thoughts. As life goes on people assume you kinda get over things and move on.
You never get over it and I haven’t “moved on”, but I have “moved forward”.
There’s a difference.
Even in my grief, I’ve held onto life, to living and savoring every single day I’ve been blessed with.
I hope you will come along with me on this journey as I unpack my suitcase of lessons learned, thoughts gathered, and life lived.
I hope you will pull up a chair, maybe wiping your own tears as you do, and find that you aren’t on this journey alone.
Today’s Monday Musings is brought to you, courtesy of, my birthday.
Yep, another spin around the sun and the opportunity for another year of doing this thing called life. At the risk of sounding cliche, I’m beyond grateful and thankful for it.
Hello another year #50ish
The good, the bad, the messy and joyful. The mundane and extraordinary. I try to live in those daily moments and simply appreciate them for what they are.
Some days, honestly, that can be hard.
Other days it’s blissfully easy.
All of it rolled together are moments that have built and shaped me into who I am. My strengths and weaknesses forging a stronger, wiser and more determined woman.
Reflection
Every year I allow time to look back and reflect where I am, and who I am. How I’ve grown and what I’ve learned. Goals I’ve set and accomplished. In it there is always that mix of success and struggles.
And you know what? That’s really ok. Struggles lead to success and success always makes me want to strive for more.
On a business level, I’ve achieved new things this year I hadn’t even calculated last year. There are risks and payoffs. They go hand in hand. I’m pretty happy with the forward movement of it all.
Do I want more? To build and accomplish more? You bet I do. I’m grateful for skills and talents I’ve been given that I work daily cultivating. I’ve learned to just let my creativity out and when I do there’s total satisfaction in what comes from it.
On a personal level, I had a total knee replacement last year. 😬
Yep, a super sonic titanium knee.
How it started…2 weeks post opWhere it’s at a year out 😊
And you know what? It’s awesome and I do not regret having it done. ( you can check out an entire post on it here on my blog)
I love when people have said “oh you’re so young to have that done!” 😂 yeah well, I don’t dig pain, so a new knee it is.
One of the cool things about getting older….stuff breaks. I’m really joking. I’m super appreciative of being strong and rather sturdy….my knee just had other ideas.
And honestly, I am grateful for my health. Eating well and attempting some exercise most days of the week has been my goal to maintain a healthy body… and mind. Never underestimate how exercise can help your mental well being.
Still working on those girl muscles….into my 50s.
Being comfortable in my skin
I guess for the most part, I always have been. I think age helps nail it down more, ya know, the ability to just embrace who I am. I am authentic and my heart is genuine. I can be sassy, sarcastic and have a quick wit. I also know how to stand up for myself and can speak my mind when needed…..not rude….I just know how to use my voice.
I feel people, their joy and pain and can read them more than the words they speak, or don’t speak. Being empathetic can sometimes feel painful. My mom would refer to it as wearing my heart on my sleeve.
Somehow, that has deepened with age.
Another part of growing is knowing you might not be everyone’s cup of tea but it’s also knowing you’re the most refreshing drink for others. And those…. those are the ones I focus on. They make me laugh, bring me joy, and challenge and support me.
I also think in a world full of more chaos that allowing love, grace and mercy to be something that I freely bestow on not just those I know, but the people I don’t know, people like myself just trying to get through this thing called life. The world seems to be in desperate need of love and grace and I want to be someone who gives that out.
The celebration
My family celebrated me last night with a wonderful meal hosted at my sons house. My daughter in law prepared a feast and made my favorite cake. My mom used to make me a homemade German chocolate ones…they were amazing. She passed away in 2014 and my family in the years after have made cakes for me…my husband, daughter or daughter in law.
My daughter in law has taken it on herself to make sure I get a homemade german chocolate cake the past few years and it is something that touches me deeply. Birthdays are still hard…I miss my mom. But I am so blessed to have people who love me so well.
I mean…..look at that cake ! 😍Trust me, it was amazing.Thank goodness there were a modest amount of candles 😅My heart ❤A perfect meal
Moving ahead
I know people often get caught up in the past or focused on things that don’t serve them anymore. Every year brings a new season. I look forward to new growth, staying open to fresh ideas and simply appreciating where I am…..at this stage of life. There is still much to learn, new goals to set and achieve and so many opportunities in front of me.
I realized this past Friday, April 15th, marked one year since I had a total knee replacement (TKR). The weekend was kinda busy and whatnot….hello Easter…..so I thought I’d take some time now to reflect on my journey this past year. This may be more of a “story” than a blog post. My hope is that maybe my journey may help or encourage someone facing this surgery.
How did I get to the point of TKR?
A good question. I was in the final weeks of training for a duathlon in 2018. As I was in the last few miles of a training run my knee started bothering me. Of course my thought was “nooooo nothing better get in my way for the race “. It settled down and weeks later, I did my second duathlon coming in again first in my age group. That didn’t impress me as much as seeing my finish time against some of the 20something guys. That was satisfying 😜
The finish line of a race listed as the toughest in Texas. A 5k hilly run, 16 miles of nothing but lots of big hills on the bike, and then a 2 mile run. The photo doesn’t show how cold and sweaty I am or reflect a quad and hip that cramped up coming in on the bike ride as I finish the final run. That finish line never felt sweeter.
I wish I knew it was potentially my last duathlon or I would’ve savored every aspect of it more.
The final piece after months of training, standing on that podium.
As things go, after I finished a race, I dialed back my training for a few weeks. On my first run back out ( weeks later) I felt almost crippled afterwards. I cut out running and focused on cycling but my knee continued to bother me. I finally gave in and headed to my sports doctor ( ahem…. months later) fully expecting to hear I had torn something and would need surgery. After the x ray he came back in and announced, ” you’ve got a good old fashioned case of arthritis going on” this was certainly not what I expected to hear.
He said listen “You’re out there kicking ass and taking names. You are certainly not my usual middle age woman patient. Between life, genetics, and all you’ve been doing, that’s what we’re dealing with. ” We discussed some options, one of which was eventually getting a shot in my knee that could help.
Essentially a band aid, a costly one, only prolonging the inevitable, knee replacement surgery.
I left his office and pretty much dealt with it over the next couple years. The pain in my knee got progressively worse as it was bone on bone. I did go in for the set of two shots ( 600.00 my part with insurance) in the summer of 2020. Unfortunately, I never noticed any change. He told me “ok we’ve tried all the options and the next step is total knee replacement”
Yeah ok…obviously I wasn’t super excited at this prospect. I had never had any surgeries and this one sounded a bit, intense, to put it mildly.
He handed me a referral for an ortho dr, one he assured me, would be focused on getting me back at my athletic endeavors and sent me off.
The next few months involved meeting with the doctor, getting an MRI, another appointment with the surgeon and then finally at that January visit we scheduled the surgery for April 15.
Gosh. I tried several times to work myself out of it as it got closer. But on the other hand I had a knee that hurt enough to keep me awake at night so I was kinda hoping to ditch that problem, among others.
As it got closer there were the usual pre surgical things to do, like labs, a chest x ray and meeting with the surgical nurse who went over all the details for before, during and after surgery.
Over and over I heard “you’ve picked a rough first surgery but you’ll get through it”
Eek.
I requested to be his first surgery. It was out patient and I would go home that day so I figured being first in meant I’d get out sooner.
My surgery would also be robotic assisted surgery which is super high tech. It allows the surgeon to operate and make cuts and incisions with exact precise cuts in the bone and tissue. This is done in real time with a computer and a very recent CT of my knee. You can learn more reading about Mako Robotic Knee surgery.
Show time
This is what it looks like when your surgeon signs off on your knee 😅 that big line? The slice and dice line.
I arrived at 5 a.m. trying to act cool but I had to laugh when the nurse asked if I ever had anxiety….I was like…. I mean right now, kinda yeah….she assured me they expected that and not to worry.
Whew! I was normal! 😅
All the final things were done, the surgeon last to appear asking if I was ready for the show. I asked him if he had enough of whatever he needed to be on his A game. He assured me he was good and he was ready to fix my knee up, and then it was off to the OR.
Listen, as I mentioned earlier, this was my first surgery so I was really calculating everything that was going on. I was struck by how bright the OR was, how alert, busy and full on active everyone was greeting me. I asked them if they wanted me to hop over to the other table, and after I got settled a mask was immediately placed over my nose and mouth that felt a little to snug. The guy lifted to adjust it and said ” we’re just giving you some pure oxygen “
And that my friends, was it till I heard two girls talking close to me saying what pretty pink hair I had ( which I did) and did I want a cracker?
Say what?
Me…. mumbling….are we done?! They assured me we were and if I woke up I could have a cracker. In my head, I was giggling thinking how you offer parrots crackers… 🤣 in reality I was trying to peel my eyes open.
Seriously. Y’all that sleep after surgery is the bomb. I was so cozy. I was hearing the convo in room, the nurses talking to my husband, how things went etc but gosh, I was sooooo good where I was at….like my eyes just didn’t want to be open. I got prompted again…. whyyy are they making me talk??
After accepting ( rather blindly) the crackers and Sprite given to me, I was asked if I wanted to get up and walk.
Me….you know I’m still asleep right? And my leg feels like….nothing…..
Them…. you get to go home if you walk. Ah yes, I remembered now. I got to head home if I did the “required things”.
Eat. Go to bathroom. Walk.
I got up on edge of bed, grabbed the walker and hustled myself out to the hallway when they called me back. One thing my surgeon does is to make sure his patients have a nerve block ” we want you to wake up comfortable”. I thought of it as an epidural in my knee. I had a full leg brace on immobilizing my leg. My foot felt like a thick foam block. Think how your face feels after a dentist visit and novocain.
With a numb leg, a foggy head ( those are good drugs) and zero pain, I crawled into the athletic clothes I had worn. My surgery had been at 7 a.m. and by 1 p.m. I was loaded up heading home 😳
Ya know what’s really trippy? Being in a car sailing down the highway while you’re still looped out from anesthesia.
I kept my eyes closed the ride home ’cause the world was really spinny.
Home and recovery
This was how my leg was neatly packaged after surgery. Thankfully that came off next day. This was to protect my leg till all the meds had worn off and I could feel again
My surgeon ordered PT ( physical therapy) for 2 weeks at home that started the day after I got home. I was ready to work and do what was needed to get back to doing life. I faithfully did exercises they left for me making them my “job”. I did them 3 times a day and walked as much as I could. I made my leg bend and flex just like I would have before surgery.
More nice packaging This is where the satellite went.
A look inside at my fancy new joints the top gadget is a satellite that communicates with computer that didn’t stay 😜My surgeon grabbed his handy fake joint model to show me what mine looked like, except as he said, yours is metal, this is plastic The silver and gray parts are the new joints
Days after….
It was so amazing to have that awful pain gone in my knee that walking felt great even if I had major surgery two days prior. By day 3 I tossed the walker cause I was walking fine without it and my PT guy said it was more of a hazard to use it if I was walking ok.
Physically, I hadn’t been sure what to expect but I had minimal swelling and no bruising. Of course I lived with my ice pack so I’m sure that helped quite a bit. My PT guy was encouraging telling me I was far ahead of what they expected patients to do a few days out so that built my confidence. And not to mention I was horribly motivated to make things happen. I had goals.
This gadget was a nice lazy form of exercise 😅 you set machine and it bends your leg for you. I’d get it set and take a nap.
Pain
Ok I’m almost embarrassed to say this but I really had minimal pain, and at that I didn’t consider it bad. One thing I paid attention to were all the people who told me to be diligent about staying on track with my pain meds. I’m stubborn but not dumb and certainly wasn’t interested in hurting if it could be avoided. I took them every 6 hours as prescribed even setting a 4 a.m. alarm to stay on track. My goal was to get off of them as soon as possible. Within the week I started spacing them out farther testing it. Gradually I was down to just a night one ( cause I like my sleep 😅) listen to what they tell you about pain meds!
2 weeks post op
2 weeks out I checked in with surgeon and had bandage removed. His stitching skills were impressive
It honestly didn’t look as bad as I was expecting. As you can see there was minimal after surgery bleeding.
After assessing all of my bending and flexing he cleared me to drive since I wasn’t on the pain meds.
Freedom! My first drive out, 16 days post op. This is when I realized how much you really use your leg to drive! A short trip, my leg was tired.
Another thing we discussed was exercise. He knew my goals were to get back on road cycling and at least walking again. I told him I wanted to do a bike race that was 10 weeks post op. What did he think? He said let’s do it! All he asked was that I ride not clipped in so if I had to get off bike fast I wouldn’t wrench my knee.
2 1/2 weeks out on my first walk….a half mile. It was a startThe road under my feet again
Of course, I focused a lot on my upper body since I could work that how I wanted
Nothing like some metal on my hand
Meanwhile
The leg is healing up well. The stitching will flatten out hopefully leaving a slim scar
As my leg healed I had moved over to 6 weeks of PT at a place in town. As my therapist told me a lot I wasn’t their “normal” patient. Being fairly strong and fit going into this surgery had definitely given me an advantage. Since I exercised before surgery the moves were work but doable work. He would put me on bike at the end of our sessions.
My first time on was my first slap in the face with my surgery.
I couldn’t do a full spin rotation.
How could this be? Riding a bike was well, riding a bike. I gingerly tried to press forward when my foot slipped causing it to go farther than planned.
That was the first genuine pain I had felt. I saw stars. Not cool.
I was in tears, literally crying thankful my back was to the room so no one would see a grown woman crying.
I felt all my goals shifting. How could I do a race in 7 weeks if I couldn’t pedal fully? I was crushed when I left PT that day.
I came home and started reading and there was a suggestion of pedaling backwards first. Then gradually ease into going forward. Next time I went I tried that. And I did it the following time…each time pressing into it a bit more…..then finally a full spin. I held my breath easing into another round and another. Tears came again this time but they were of joy. It was all I could do not to whoop out loud 😅
As I kept practicing on the bike at PT and on my trainer at home, race day loomed closer and I was pressed deciding if I’d be ready to do a 18 mile race in a few weeks. Being on the bike I still hadn’t gotten any serious miles on me. I finally felt confident enough to hit the road, this was about 8 weeks post op. I did 9 miles for my first ride.
Unfortunately by the time I felt I could do the race, no matter what my speed, the race had sold out. I was a bit crushed and then decided I would simply do my own “race”. Really it was about me and my goals anyway, right? I determined I would get up the same day as race, leave out in the morning and do that 18 mile ride making it a celebration of my body and what it could do.
And I did it.
The morning was gorgeous and I had never felt more alive. Although riding not clipped in felt awkward, I managed to get it done. And not just 18 miles, but a little more with gravy on top 😉
It turned into a nearly 20 mile ride. 😊
My speed certainly wasn’t what I was used to but gosh it felt amazing.
Needless to say when I saw my surgeon a couple weeks later he immediately asked if I did it. Ha he was honestly like a proud parent.
Lots of activities after my knee surgery. Rowing was great for continuing bending and flexing. Those weights don’t hurt either.
Where am I now?
The knee healed up pretty nice…..and I really don’t mind my battle wound.
A tidy scar 🖤
I make jokes that I may be the old person who tells the weather by my knee 🤣 it does feel tighter when the weather changes. My surgeon said its the barometric pressure.
Other things: when I’m on my feet all day or it’s hot my leg can feel like it’s ” fuller” or tight. My bending, and straightening of my leg is as good as it was before surgery. I’m able to do things I could prior. My knee itself can still feel tight around the surgical area but my surgeon said it can be a solid year or longer for things to settle down. A small area is still numb. That may or may not go away. Being on my hands and knees is doable, but I have to position my weight right as it can be uncomfortable, like in the surgical area.
Strength wise I think my right leg is lots stronger now than my left. My legs are strong but I find myself doing a little extra with the left to make it keep up. I am always mindful that I can and should always be pushing my new knee a little more to continue to get the maximum from it.
Final thoughts
Since I had this surgery at least 6 people I know have had it. They have reached out and asked questions. I have answered based on my experience and journey but they will be different for all of us. Our experience will be based on many factors from our overall health, fitness, physical limitations and our mental determination (which I believe is the biggest factor for success) ask questions and make sure you educate yourself on all things associated with it. Oh yeah, and do everything you’re told, including managing your pain meds.
Tell me, have you had a TKR or are you seeing one in your future?
As I write this post I wonder if I’m the only one aware that the seasons are doing that sneaky, yet subtle, shift. Darkness has fallen earlier stealing the long lazy evenings with lingering daylight that I fully embrace.
Long evenings allowing me to go out and do work on my projects or just enjoy the cooler air as the sun has dropped over the horizon. Long evenings where the breeze caresses my skin and I can watch light gradually fade and the moon begin to rise.
But that has changed. The long evenings have been replaced by earlier darkness forcing me to wrap up outside work. As much as I embrace fall, I miss aspects of the summer season.
Anyone else relate?
Not my backyard, but somewhere in the world…..
Right now though in south Texas we will enjoy a variety of weather as we get crisp fall mornings yet still have afternoons that are definitely comfortable short weather. This can go on for months. It’s always a toss up to what we get.
Hey after all, only earlier this year we got snowed in not only once, but twice, in the same week.
Surreal. Absolutely surreal. For all of us it was a weird, most likely, once in a lifetime thing.
A few of the many pics from that epic week
Ok and I get it. If you’re up north or in parts of the world you see this all the time, don’t send me hate mail over my snow pics. 😉 you are not impressed with this stuff. I get it. Hopefully, we won’t see that kind of winter this year!
Ok…on to other topics….
We did have a nice chilly morning this week which had me digging out a bit more clothing for my outdoor activities. I had recently gotten new shoes so I wanted to start logging some miles on them ( Did a little over 4)
Black. What all cool kids wear. My new Asics are too.
As I’ve shared briefly in previous posts, I had a total knee replacement in April. I just hit my 6 month out. I figure I’ll be doing a post on my experience fairly soon. I have chronicled things from the start and have tried to use my voice to encourage or help others in this process.
Meanwhile….I’ve not exactly been doing nothing…
On the bike….Strength training
I’ve got goals ya’ll. But we will chat more about that later.
In things that make me laugh….
My granddaughters critters watching the football game
We arrived at my grandsons football game Saturday and my granddaughter has positioned her critters with a front row seat for the game. In a crazy world, I constantly embrace the beauty of my grandkids and the simplicity of childhood.
And listen, if you don’t have any of these yet, they are totally worth it. You love them in such a special different way. ❤ I feel beyond, and I mean, beyond blessed and fortunate that my kids grew up, started their families and wanted to have their homes on family property ( cool when you have space for them to do that) I mean, they liked us enough to stick around 😜
In other news….
I’ve shared before about my vintage business and love for old things. I got this pink stool earlier in the week. If there’s a time period that fascinates me, it is the short lived 50s pink kitchen era. So to find a pink stool, even if it was dirty and needed a cleaning, was impossible to pass up. Now the question remains, will it go to my shop? 🤔
Original ad for the common kitchen stool
Before I leave you…
I’ve gotta share a few recipes I’ve used lately. Having a big family that likes to hang out and eat, I’m always testing new foods.
Here’s one of my favorite “one pan ” recipes that’s always popular.
And another popular dinner. I cannot tell you how delicious this is…try it!
And of course I need to leave you with a dessert. And what’s better than a fall inspired one called Fresh Apple cake. I’ve made this like 3 times this month. The beauty of this recipe? Stir it all into one bowl, pour in pan and bake. The frosting is cooked in one pan on stove that you pour on top.
Another Monday, another spin around the sun, and the first Monday in November.
This year is just blurring on by, isn’t it? You know what this means right?
Full on Christmas coming at us now.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not anti Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday and I go all out for it.
I just want my turkey first….. and pie.
I want those tasty dishes that seem to be extra delicious on Thanksgiving. I want to smell those amazing smells of the day as my often, loud and wonderfully goofy family shows up to eat, watch football and celebrate a day of giving thanks for all we have.
I want that before I’m propelled into the Christmas whirlwind.
I want that set aside day of focusing on thankfulness.
Reasons to be thankful
Do we need to be reminded? I think, sometimes, we get so set in our lives we don’t really take time to focus on all we’ve been blessed with.
I was at the stop sign the other day and a local homeless woman was in her chair as she usually is. She is often just down the street at Starbucks sitting by the drive way but has changed up her location again ( she moves between both areas) it is known she has mental issues. It is also known she supposedly chooses this life.
I don’t know much except she’s a staple in that area. I greet her when I walk up to get my coffee, I will not look through her and pretend she isn’t there as many do.
But on this day, she was seated at the stop sign.
As I waited for the car in front of me, I couldn’t help but notice her, really see her.
Head in her hand holding her sign, her face red from days of sitting in the sun, a cigarette loosely held, her worldly possessions around her, it was her face that caught me.
The look of someone holding back emotion or trying not to cry.
It took everything in me to not turn around and go back and ask, are you ok? Except, with her mental instability, you just don’t know what you will get.
In those moments so much was impressed on me.
You think you’ve had a hard year, but you’ve not had hard like that homeless woman on the corner hard.
I thought about the nice car I was driving, wearing nice clothes. I thought about my beautiful home that protected and sheltered me. The abundance of food we had, the things that made my life comfortable, my family that surrounded me, and the simple luxuries I had. I thought about my husband and how much he has been brought through and how our needs are always met.
I felt humbled in that moment. And thankful
The thoughts continued to flow….
Your hard isn’t the family divorcing, ending what they have known. Your hard isn’t the young mother who lost a twin, or a parent watching their child continue the path of addiction or a family member dealing with alcohol addiction, or a widow grieving their partner
All situations I’m personally aware of.
We all have our levels of hard to deal with, right?
November marks a year since my husband was told he had two types of cancer. To say this year has been a new level of “hard” is putting it mildly. There have been ups and downs and moments that have overwhelmed me leaving me feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Throw in a virus, him being unable to work right now, Dr appointments, chemo treatments, constant dancing around with insurance and the daily shifting of life, it can make the strongest person feel weak at any given moment.
Yet, that thought bounced through my head.
Your hard isn’t like hers. Your life, while it has been difficult, painful even, is good.
We all have our own version of hard
We do right? Struggles, pain, suffering, hardships. They may look different but we all have that road to walk on some level.
I firmly believe how we approach it has a huge impact on the rest of our lives. Has this year been easy?
Not even.
Have I been amazingly blessed? Absolutely.
Do I choose, look for all the good I have in my life even if it is hard? I do.
As we go into November, a month in which we have a day set aside to think of all we’ve been blessed with and give thanks for those blessings, I choose to set my sights there.
So stand down Christmas.
I want my turkey and pie. I want more mashed potatoes than I should eat. I want breakfast with my family still in jammies with messy hair crammed around the table eating the pastries I made. I want to enjoy the food, the laughter, the controlled chaos, and most importantly, my tribe. The beautiful people I’ve been given to share this life with.
Life is hard. If there weren’t hard times we wouldn’t deeply embrace the good. Life is made of both.
I am thankful and abundantly blessed. I hope you too, even as you may deal with difficulties or uncertainty will also celebrate the good and the blessings you have as well.
And hey, go ahead and have another piece of pie. 😉
Am I the only one who wakes up lately wondering what day it is, what month or some days, what planet we’re on?
Like a surreal time warp lately.
Therefore, it kinda caught me off guard when hubby mentioned a week or two back,” hey you’ve got a birthday coming, what do you want?”
( My birthday was on Saturday)
Ah! Christmas in July 😁
Like wow, where did the year go?
If you will, allow me to wax poetic in this post on some reflections of another year around the sun .
Age is definitely a number
I giggle when my young friends lament that they are on the door step of 30, like it’s the end of life.
Age is no excuse
Although 30 is a ways back in my rearview mirror now, I love where I am in life. I want to tell them that getting older isn’t awful and it’s something many will never know. That getting older means wisdom gained, compassion deepened, love expanded, and a broader understanding of things you didn’t really grasp years before.
Getting older means knowing yourself, really. The good and bad and knowing how to manage both of those areas. It means knowing how to use to your voice and being comfortable doing so.
It means gained confidence in ways you have not have known in your younger self.
It can be developing new skills or talents you find along the way you didn’t know you had earlier in life.
Age also challenges you to press into hard things you may never have dealt with. It can either forge strength in you, or leave you weak or fearful.
You also learn to be true to yourself and who you are….or you don’t. Being true to yourself might not always float everyone’s boat but that is really their issue, not yours.
Be authentically you, there is no one who can fill your shoes.
Getting older doesn’t need to define life as “less”.
That’s how it’s often observed right? Getting older means you can’t or shouldn’t do certain things cause ya know, age right?
Don’t do this, don’t do that.
Nonsense.
I jokingly tell my kids I will forever be the mom/grandmother/aunt in little shorts at the family picnic 🤣
I will be on the dance floor if there’s music and not observing life on the side.
I will continue to push my limits and challenge myself to new things.
I want to learn and grow and be better with each year marked.
Age is no excuse
Honestly, I do not even let myself allow that idea into my head. I refuse to be guided by a thought that would cripple me from living a life of more .
As I reflect back on this year, it is not without looking at some hard times I’ve walked through that have strengthened me in ways I had never previously known. Walking paths of illness with loved ones builds unknown strengths in you that you don’t know you possess until you go through fire.
Getting older is often looked at as getting weak with the thought older people should step aside so the stronger young ones can handle it.
Physically, my body is stronger and more capable than it has ever been.
I love that! I love that my sons call on me at times to help move something because they know I can deliver.
Pushing myself to lift heavier or ride farther on my bike, whatever, it may be is empowering! And training my body prepares it for those daily life tasks we can be called on to do.
I guess really, if anything, I don’t ever put limits on myself. That has allowed me to grow and tackle such big goals that if I had put mental limits on myself I would spend my life wondering if I could do it, instead of getting it done.
A friend tagged me in this post yesterday telling me it reminded her of me, of how I am and the fact she felt I’d say the same thing to my followers, and she’s right.
No matter where we are in life, choices are to be made. What we do determines who we will continue to grow into.
I will, no matter my age always be pressing into where I want to continue to be, and that is driven by what I do.
How I think, the goals I set and how I challenge myself.
Chronologically, age happens to all of us. We have no control over that.
How we approach aging, the choices we make, our behaviors and attitudes, our mental thinking, well we have a ton of control over that.
And with those ideas firmly in mind my mantra will forever be, age is no excuse.
I seriously love saying that. The fact I have readers from all parts of our big world never fails to make me happy. I’m humbled that I can share with you, wherever you are.
So thanks for joining me in another edition of Monday Musings!
I hope, that life is returning to a bit of normal for you. There were lots of things making me think during this “quarantine” time. One of them is about masks.
I won’t get into the two camps….the wear or don’t wear. Each side has a bit of it’s own “airs” associated with it.
My thoughts are a bit random based on my quirky sense of humor.
So here are my positives on mask wearing :
I can yawn like an unconcerned cat with no need to worry about being lady like. No need to delicately cover my mouth to hide that bored, sleepy, I need caffeine yawn. Nope, with mask in place I can yawn unconcerned.
I always wear lip gloss, but behind a mask, who really knows if I am or not?
Mask wearing cuts down on potential, unnecessary snacking. 😉
I don’t have to worry if I’m looking “happy” to people passing….smile or no smile….that’s the question. They don’t know.
Finally, my eyes get the attention and not my smile. With my smile covered it’s time for my eyes to get their moment in the spotlight.
Ok enough of all that….
Did anyone start a new hobby, job or project during the quarantine time? I took my business to another level when I jumped in to be a retailer for Dixie Belle chalk paint. Our shop opened up May 1st and it’s been flying off the shelves….awesome…but now I’m chomping at the bit waiting to get two huge orders in .
I have also been asked multiple times about a website for my business so I have undertaken that project.
Let me say this….all things technical are not my calling…. much less building a website. I am slow….pathetically slow crafting this fledgling site. I am way speedier turning over ugly furniture and making it pretty.
I figured I put this site together for my blog 5 years ago, I can assemble a business website.
And…..it’s almost done. Engage happy dance. I’m feeling rather proud of myself right now.
Have you done something lately that is out of your comfort zone?
My business ventures are pushing me out of mine. I love risks, but there is the flip side of exhilarating terror too 😬
That’s all I’m saying for now. I haven’t shared with my customers yet, once I do I will share more here.
Speaking of all that….did I share the cool antique cabinet a friend gave me? I dragged it home, invested a little energy into it and now it makes an uber cool paint cabinet for my shop.
It started off like this…I had sanded some to unearth several other colors under the pink.
I also turned these old sewing drawers into something sweet and feminine….
Sweet right?
I just got these really crusty ones, but look at all those sweet details 🥰 I would love to turn all of this into a little cabinet.
When I’m not working, it’s fun experimenting with new recipes
This is a family favorite. Chocolate with gooey caramel and pecans ….so good. Don’t take my word for it. Give it a try
Remember to be kind to one another out there. Be helpful, be loving. Respect each other. This world is rough but individually we can make a positive impact in our circles. Have a good week!
Tell me….how’s your week gone. Everyone doing ok ?
We have a plethora of birthdays this time of year and yours truly is the cake maker.
My kids know they can request whatever kind they want and I’ll whip it up for them.
My middle son turned 28 May 1st. After a reminder I hadn’t received his request, did he wish for me to make him a boxed cake?
I got a link to a monstrosity of a 5 layer cake. Initially, I thought it was a joke. But then I’m always down for a challenge and dived into the project
Two brownie layers and three white cake layers.
Yes, that is buttercream frosting between those layers
11 eggs, three packages of butter, 7 cups of sugar, 10 cups of powdered sugar for buttercream frosting, 30 Oreos and brownies that get made with brownie layers to decorate on top and a partridge in a pear tree.
Ok I jest about the partridge 😉
I weighed it.
It weighed 13 pounds.
I don’t exaggerate.
13 pounds of ridiculous deliciousness.
You know what I’m afraid of? I’ve now set the bar to high and who knows what they will come up with next. 😄
Yes, there is a literal second dessert piled on top of this monumental cake.
The aftermath….it is a wee bit tricky cutting five layers.
Even my guys with the biggest appetites were out done by this cake.
We all decided this…the cake and brownie layers were delicious enough to just make independently. The eggs, real butter and buttermilk made it a light, airy melt in your mouth cake.
The brownies had lots of eggs giving them a cake consistency and with all the cocoa powder they had a good chocolate flavor.
Think you wanna try it? Find it in my Homemade Cake folder on Pinterest!
I’m attempting to live a healthy lifestyle. I’m sure glad cake can fit into that!
I’m also glad I started the day off with some miles on the bike.
Nothing like some hills to make you work a little hard 😅
How are y’all doing with home work outs during this time?
Remember fitness need not be hard or complicated. Brisk walks or jogs, bike rides, swimming, or hitting the treadmill or elliptical are good ways to get cardio.
Strength training can be accomplished with a variety of items at home even if you don’t have weights.
You have a body and can do plenty of body weight exercises!
I find boxing to be rather therapeutic 😉 not only is it good strength and cardio, it just feels good to let my energy sink into that bag.
Don’t forget about yoga and other stretching moves to keep you flexible. It’s also a great way to center your mind.
Exercise is not only good for our bodies, but our mental well being too.
Staying mentally and physically well during this time is important for our overall health.
In other life activities
Am I the only one who wakes up trying to remember what day it is??
Like seriously.
True, life is a bit different lately, but I don’t find all of it bad.
There aren’t lots of things pressing on me to go to different activities or places which means time home and time to do not only home projects but work on my business projects too.
My shop in town opened back up this weekend so I’m glad to have things out of my back room and filling up my space.
I’ve had an increase in custom orders so that’s a win.
I also jumped into becoming a retailer for Dixie Belle chalk paint. Ah, nothing like making a financial investment when things are closed down 😅
I kinda like diving off the deep end with new adventures.
Speaking of projects
Wanna see some of the things I’ve been up to?
Before. A custom order. She wanted it white. Dixie Belle has a color called Fluff, soft white with grey undertone
Definitely a bit brighter.
Then there was this old trunk….
I’m horribly in love with this piece ❤ it got some layers of black and white paint, distressed, a lovely floral trasnfer and I lined inside with some fabric that’s been waiting for the right project.
Then there was this old French provincial table. I seriously adore this style. Solid, classic, beautiful lines, these pieces remake so nicely
And a couple things I’ve scored recently. It’s been hard getting things…I’m ready to go hunting again !
Sweet old dresser definitely dated and needs a fresher look!
And an antique ladies writing desk and chair. This is gonna need work but I thought it was the coolest thing.
And before I go…..
I made the best chicken dish tonight and everyone went crazy over it. Fast,easy with a Mexican flair to it. Find it on my dinner recipes file on Pinterest
Monday. Am I the only one lurching into it after a long 4th of July weekend ?? Here in the states we just celebrated our nation’s birthday….our 243rd one to be exact.
Yeah we celebrated with a four day weekend 🤣
I may be biased, but I believe we live in the greatest nation.
Yes, it has problems, but we are still blessed beyond measure with the gifts and freedoms we have.
So we celebrated our freedoms and all that we’ve been blessed with…food, fireworks and hanging with family.
Long weekends equal productivity
Having a block of days home let me dive into the deep end on furniture projects waiting for me.
Does this count as athletic activities? 🤔
I mentioned last week I had moved into my new location for my business. I had lots that sold so I was trying to replenish items.
I finished off an antique dresser, four chairs, and some small items too.
I love getting things done!
I’m super excited over how the dresser came out.
Here’s its before pic…
Old, tired and needing a new look.
I kept it simple and it looks so fresh now.
I’m pretty happy with it. The light distressing gives it the aged look it deserves.
Then.. last week I scooped up these antique chairs at the thrift store.
Yeah. I know you’re loving the cheetah print 😏
Cheetah? Leopard? Your call.
Check out the new look I gave them….
Miss the cheetah print yet?
I got this cool chair at an estate sale months ago. I finally got to let the ideas out of my head for it…
Its boring before pic…
Look at it now 🙂
And my final chair. An old harp back and after all my black I wanted to do a bright fun look….
And besides all that, I’ve been working on the room my daughter recently vacated.
Hubby was a trooper and installed new, cooler,molding on the floor and I’ll be painting this week
Then as mentioned previously, the entire antique bedroom set I have in my barn finally has a room to come to 😁
No.
No I haven’t been busy….which is why I’m writing this at 11p m Sunday night..
Oh..and I don’t sell everything…I mean what’s the point of having a fun business if you don’t get to keep some of the goodies??
For instance, I got this super cool old coffee table. It’s over 6’0 long! It has leaves that when open you could use as a table top.
I don’t exaggerate.
Me asking the girl about it.
“Oh, idk, I think it’s from the 50s. I’m selling the stuff for a dead person.”
Me: “whaattt?”
Haha…well she only wanted 12.00 for this solid wood beast so I didn’t waste any time grabbing it up.
Now to decide how exactly I want to spruce it up.
Furniture isn’t the only thing I’ve been lifting
I’ve been adding more strength training days to my week.
Hello sweaty Sunday 🤣
I have a love hate relationship with deadlifts.
I love knowing I can lift some solid weight, I know it’s also gonna be a little work.
I usually do three sets of 6 at my current weight of 165. I’m fixing to add on to that soon.
My 25lb dumb bells have become quite easy to handle. I’ve added more reps on the mix.
I got to thinking when I first started off a few years back I was using 8lbs
8.
Now I can toss 25s around and use a 35 lb kettlebell for swings and other fun moves.
Consistent work is all I can contribute it to
Well…anyone who wants to make progress needs to stay consistent.
Oh. And hard work too 😏
And finally…
Would it be a Monday post if I didn’t offer you up some tasty food I had experimented with???
This is uh…not on the healthy treats list.. but it’s chocolate sooooo….
I made this for the 4th celebrations.
It was devoured.
Trust me, you’ll love it and it’s super easy to make.
sassyfitnesschick 