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The Joys Of Raising Boys

Parenting-Boy-Both-Fun-Challenging — For the record… these aren’t mine 😉

I perched on the metal bleacher shielding my eyes from the sun, my gaze fixed out on the field. I listened to the random chatter of parents and children around me. It was a typical spring night and I was watching an…exciting…. or should I say… amusing… game of T-Ball.

However, it was the tall. good looking, lean man I watched prowling the field actively talking to the small creatures at his knees.

It wasn’t my son I was watching play ball, but my grandson, and my son was the Coach.

I got lost in thought wondering where time had gone and wasn’t it only yesterday I was the mom at the games with Goldfish crackers and juice boxes, with my other children running around with me ?

Actually, I was quite comfy being there in my “grandmother” role. It was nice to not have to juggle children, sloppy juice boxes or deal with crying babies. It is true what they say about being a grandparent… it is fun in a very different way 😉

However, before I got to be a grandmother, I had to do my duties as a mom.

I was blessed, privileged and I guess special, to be able to have not one boy, but three.

Yes. Three.

By the time the third came along, I felt like a total pro with the whole boy thing. I didn’t know if I’d even be able to raise a girl ( side note, we did get some later from foster care, but that is for another post)

Anyway, son number one was a quiet, easy going, laid back kid. He just rolled with everything. He knew how to play and was easy to entertain. He was creative and smart. He wasn’t complicated or difficult. He was my little buddy for 3 1/2 years before son number 2 came along.

Culture shock.

Why aren’t parents told this secret.. this dark truth…. ???

Perhaps if they knew families would only have one child.

What is it you may be wondering ?

Well when you’re inexperienced you have this weird, but unspoken idea, the next child you create will be, well, like the first.

It somehow, never crosses your mind that the next one will be different.

Vastly. Different. Earth shakingly different.

When my second son didn’t waste any time getting into this world, I joked that he arrived with an attitude that was like…

“WHERE’S THE PARTY??!”

High octane, high energy, always with a thought or opinion, head strong, stubborn, driven to be successful, not settling for something when he knows he can do better. Social and out going, he doesn’t meet a stranger. The two of us went through the fire and back many times as he grew up. I think because we are wired so much alike has something to do with it. He is my male counterpart. There were tears and angst and some sleepless nights as we grew up. (he is the one who is the Coach)

He was as different from my first as oil is from water.

He was the shopping cart in the store you had to always keep a firm hand on or it would go wildly careening off to the left into a display of Twinkies.

My parenting game just got challenged.

When we decided to plan our third and last child it was with the idea it was the last one regardless of what we were given. Since I was old school and like surprises, we never knew what we were having till they were born.

When our third entered the world, I realized I was now mom of three boys. He was the exact image of his dad, my smallest baby, and adored by all of us. As the third in line, I guess he just adapted to life and learned to just roll along with whatever was going on. He was quiet, but engaging. He loved books ( I read to all of my boys) I’d often find him in his room, with his fav books, “reading” which was more like telling the story he remembered from the pictures. He too, was fairly easy going but I’m not sure if child three just learns to be like that to keep up with everyone else.

Raising boys, in some ways, is a fairly easy task.

At a point, they refuse to let you put them in cute little clothes and opt for just jeans and t shirts. They typically don’t turn their nose up at what you might bring home, and they don’t have any sense of a fashion style.

They are simply, dressed.

Well, they are dressed most of the time. Hopefully, when they are outside they have clothes on, although at times, that was sketchy

There were those times… thank goodness we live in the country and didn’t have neighbors to really worry about 😛

As we moved through the early years of childhood, which seem now, to have been very, very simple times, we approached the teenage years.. it wasn’t all bad… but there were times that were definitely a bit on the heart stopping edge.

I think what I loved about the teen years is the friends they brought home. Some came and went, others, I would often tease and ask if we were adopting them and were their papers in the mail yet ? Some literally moved in for periods of time.

They all knew how to eat 😉

My cookies never seemed to last long and dinner would need to be doubled up on.

They came in all types of dress and attire. When my oldest joined a band, I had more black leather, metal, chains, make up and boots in my house than a Hot Topic store.

My son taught me through that experience to never judge a book by it’s cover. Under those make up, leather and chain clad young men, were fun, entertaining and sweet souls. Maybe that’s why today I’m attracted to, and enjoy people who are obviously different and push the envelope from the norm.

Raising boys not only meant plenty of food and treats, but experimenting in different sports along the way.

All three toyed in them. Only one I believe had a deep passion for it. My oldest ( in the band) leaned more into arts and didn’t just play music but was also a clever and creative artist.

We let them pursue what they found interesting, and hopefully find themselves in it.

We went through seasons of sports, skateboarding, all types of music, all styles of dressing as they matured, band concerts, game days etc…

Yet, in the mix of ball games, school, activities, friends, and daily life my sons grew up.

Sometimes I find myself marveling when they walk in a room… like…

“I made those beautiful creatures!”

As grown men now, I find myself in the same role, but different as well. I’m still mom. Still the one that will call them out on things or offer up my advice.

But I enjoy the friendships with them too. The talks over the table after dinner, the silliness they still deliver up or at times, the random off beat things they can say that make me laugh, the stories that are revealed to me from childhood ( you know…stuff that you don’t want your mom to know at that time? but now that you’re an adult you can share with her? )

Oh…some of that stuff that has been revealed… has chilled my blood… and I’ve had to remind myself that they are sitting there with me, safe.

Or things that they know among themselves but in some way, sought to protect me from.

Having sons means you have all of these “protectors”. Which isn’t a bad thing.. and is often a sweet gesture.

Or when they come in and hug me… I’m tall… but they are a lot taller… there is something precious about those huge man hugs that I get now.

So I sit at times, lost in thought at the T Ball game, reflecting on life and raising boys and pondering how time seems to have moved oh so swiftly through those years. I sit and watch, amused, often giggling at the antics of the kids on the field who are there to just have fun and enjoy life. They aren’t hung up on winning yet or overly competitive, they are mostly there for fun. They run and jump and play. They have to be directed in what to do. My grandson is often happily skipping to the next base.

They all look forward to the treats that will come at the end of the game. They come flying into the dugout area, with their sweaty little faces eagerly looking up at the appointed mom who delivers them for the game. Treats in hand, they go scampering off to eat, run, and play with their friends.

Even with all the up’s and down’s that can come with raising boys, the trials and difficulties, laughter and tears, joys and frustrations, there is a beauty in all of it.

The beauty now of watching my grown son, with his son, and all of these pint sized creatures following him around as he works with them is priceless.

So I sit and I watch. I laugh and smile.

And I think…

I think how blessed I am to have been given such precious gifts in my sons and how fortunate I am to be able to watch my grandson… even if he is skipping and chasing butterflies out on the field as he heads to the next base.

Clean Eating 101

clean eating

There’s a lot of catch phrases and hot topics right now floating around in the health and fitness world. Sometimes they are confusing to the average person just glancing at it on a magazine cover or hearing about it in a news story.

There’s one that always confused me until I dug into exactly what it meant. I guess I should say sometimes these terms are confusing because it can vary person to person in EXACTLY what it means.. meaning it can be subjective to that person.

The Paleo movement for example is one of those things. It can vary in interpretation and ideas depending on the person following it… from basic to extreme.

The thing I want to focus on today is the “clean eating” idea. I want to also give you some tips and ideas if that is something you may want to pursue or experiment with.

Perhaps I want to simplify the idea for you to take confusion from it and perhaps paint a simpler idea of it.

First, let’s give it a definition. Clean eating simply means to work on removing processed or junk type foods from your daily diet and simply learning to eat more whole, real single ingredient foods. It’s about making better and more nutritious choices for your body the majority of the time.

I will also suggest when you begin eating more whole, real foods you’ll feel better. You’ll be more energetic and will be less bloated. ( for the rest of my little story whole foods simply mean as close to how nature made them as possible… or 5 ingredients or less)

Clean eating is not meant to be restrictive or keep you hungry. It’s not about depriving yourself. It’s about learning to eat good food. To have an appreciation for it that leads to health and wellness.

Clean eating is a way to stay lean, healthy, and energetic. I’ve slowly evolved into it, although I’m not what I’d call “ridged” in the process. ( hey I still like birthday cake and chocolate sometimes! Thing is… I just can’t eat much of it anymore… which isn’t a bad thing either. ) As I said, not restrictive.

For me, I still enjoy some treats in life but this is where clean eating comes in varying interpretations depending on the person. Some are extreme and wont touch sugar. I’m not totally ready for that 😉

Over time, I’ve simply learned what makes me feel better and I have learned to eat that way more. Not just that, I’m more conscious of how good nutrition affects my strength and athletic abilities. Feeding my body healthy foods goes a long way to keeping me strong out on the road.

Clean eating also needs to be viewed simply as a “lifestyle” and not a diet or some trend fad thing to pursue for a few weeks. Actually, if you do practice eating clean (er) for a few weeks I’m pretty sure you won’t want to revert back to your old ways 😉

Next, let’s establish that you can’t fail at it. Each time you make better food choices, you’re winning. If you begin to make efforts to eat this way, and stay consistent, you will slowly but surely work your way to doing it more and more.

With those simple thoughts in mind let’s look at some steps towards doing it:

Learn to cook your own food at home. You can control what goes in it, and control the added sugar, salts, ingredients etc

Learn to read labels. It’s not complicated. Know what you’re eating. Look at the ingredient list. There shouldn’t be a mile long list of ingredients.

Again, learn to avoid processed foods. This is anything typically in a bag, box or otherwise. It’s also any foods you buy at a drive thru or that are precooked. Foods typically that are high in saturated fats, salt, sugars, refined foods and in general foods that don’t offer much in the way of nutrition. These foods are often referred to as “simple carbs”.

Limit unnecessary additives like fats, salt and sugars when looking at foods. It might seem hard in the beginning but I’ll tell you, your tastes will change! There are things now that taste so “off” to me because I don’t eat them anymore and it really clips my desire for those not so nutritional food offerings. Once you get on track eating whole food, you’ll find your tastes changing for the better 🙂

Learn to shop for healthy foods which are usually found on the perimeter of the grocery store. Meats, fruits, veggies, dairy products, etc are all usually found in the outer portion of the store. Of course, you can also find good sources of fruits, veggies, beans etc in the canned aisle. Just be aware of what’s been added to it. Opt for low sodium options if available. Make sure fruits doesn’t have added sugar.

Don’t think you’re going to make changes all at once. Aim for small gradual improvements and make those a habit. For instance if you drink 3-4 sodas a day, don’t think you’ll just cut those all at once… well… you could but you’d probably go crazy. Try reducing it by one and drinking water in place of it. If you don’t eat a lot of veggies or fruit, try adding one or two new ones in at your meals. Just go slow and take small steps towards doing it. Make those changes every day,

Your goal should be having at least 50% of your plate filled with fresh veggies and fruits. These are nutrient dense, the fiber is filling, and they are low on calories. It’s a win for you in all directions. Not only that these foods are loaded with vitamins, minerals and nutrients that make your skin and hair look healthy.

Other things would include plenty of protein in the forms of lean meats, dairy, and veggie sources.

Whole grain products, beans, legumes etc are also filling and a good source of vitamins and minerals.

If you are new to this idea… start small, start slow, but start. Ideally you’ll want to work on reducing sugar, or junk food, or anything that doesn’t contribute to good health. Remember this isn’t a fad or a quick fix. It’s a move to a lifestyle of healthier eating.

You’ll learn to make new choices and intentionally think about what you put in your mouth. And yes, it will have to be intentional.

For instance, instead of chips and a coke for an afternoon snack, you might grab some fruit and raw nuts. You learn to change out sour cream for Greek yogurt ( trust me, you wont tell the difference) Choose whole grains over white bread products. Cut back on sugar and creamers in coffee, reduce sugary drinks for water etc.

clean snacks

Avocado makes a great substitute for mayo, and you’ll be getting healthy fats in your daily diet.

In summary, clean eating is trying to eat in a healthy manner the majority of the time foods that are as close to natural as possible. It is minimal to no sugar, saturated fats or refined processed foods.

Remember, there are all thoughts out there on what “clean eating” is from extreme to modest.. none are “the best”. It’s based on a personal preference and beliefs. If you make choices to eat better foods, you are on the right track.

If you try this for a couple weeks, I know you will feel more energetic, less bloated and sluggish and on your way to a more permanent healthy lifestyle 🙂

Do you practice clean eating? Have you tried it before? Is it new to you ?

Reasons Why You Aren’t Losing Weight

weight loss

Weight loss. The thing that one person or the other is pursuing at any given time. Some are easily successful at it while maybe you, are over there struggling and wondering why it’s not working and what you might need to do differently.

There are a few things that you might be missing so let me offer up some ideas. Hopefully, you will find them helpful.

Ready? Here we go.

You aren’t eating enough. Ah boy am I pointing the fork at myself when I mention this one! And women are far more guilty of this. If you’re actively working out and burning off some serious calories and only eating say, the normal “prescribed” caloric content for women ( 1200) then your body will hoard and hold onto fat like a bear going into winter hibernation. Even if you’re workouts aren’t arduous, know what you’re caloric needs are for the day and eat them! It is most likely more than 1200 calories. You should strive to eat plenty of fruits, veggies, lots of greens, lean meats, eggs, nuts and whole foods which will fill you up. Eating adequate and healthy foods will keep you full and you’ll be less likely to binge on junk food.

You’re doing all cardio and no strength training. ok I’m a self professed cardio junkie. I love running. And cycling. And the crazy rowing machine. And all of them together. I love the physical outpouring that goes along with it. I love moving my body. But I’ve also learned the value of building some muscle. Cardio does burn fat but muscle mass burns calories, even when you rest. Lifting weights keeps your metabolism revved. Your plan should be to add some weight work to your cardio activities. You can use machines if you have access or free weights. I always prefer free weights over a machine. Use weights heavy enough you have to work at it.

You play the diet game and don’t do make it a lifestyle change. No one wants to think they need to always be on a diet. Or that they must live on one. What a total drag. When you’re on a diet you mentally view it as you are “on it” or when you’ll “be off it”. Adapting to the thought of a lifestyle change means you live each day making intentional choices to feed and nourish your body in good ways. This slow, steady process will lead to weight loss that will stay off. Your new focus should be to get the word “diet” permanently out of your vocab and just focus on making good nutrition and exercise choices. The thing that works will be what’s sustainable for you… not what your neighbor does…or what you read in the magazine. What works for you and your body. It will be sustainable allowing you to make it a permanent lifestyle change.

You don’t have a good support system. I’ve been a social media fiend for a long time now posting my athletic shenanigans, my goals, my foods, my struggles. Throwing it out there has not only been something that makes me accountable, it also lets people stop me in the store and ask about how it’s going. To be successful, I believe you need to have a few friends, family or shamelessly use social media to hold you accountable and offer support and encouragement. Find what works for you. Have someone you can call, ask questions of, or who will overall be your cheerleader and hold you accountable.

You don’t have specific goals. One thing that keeps me SO focused in my training is knowing I have an event coming. It puts an element of intensity to it and it keeps me focused on what I’m chasing. When I was losing weight I had specific short term target goals… 5 pounds at a time. 5 pounds was short, doable and easily attainable. it didn’t leave me feeling overwhelmed saying I needed to lose… “30” pounds…in that vague kinda way. You can make specific food or drink goals. Maybe cutting down on sugary drinks or increasing your green veggies. Perhaps it’s just getting off couch each night for an evening walk. Make each thing you strive for specific and take steps to go there. Small steps over times, lead to bigger victories.

You think your morning workout sesh burned a ton of calories. I’ve always been cautious about how I eat after a workout. I know it doesn’t give me open season to eat whatever ( ok maybe after a 20 miler 😉 For instance, doing a 3 mile run, burns a loose average of 300 calories. That can vary depending on size and speed of runner…but close estimating. You can see it wouldn’t take long to easily negate that 300 calories with a “treat” drink at the local coffee shop. Don’t over estimate what you do. It’s important you keep your nutrition on point as you increase your physical activities and monitor your portions.

You aren’t consistent. Personally, I think this is one of the biggest things I’ve seen working with people. They start off motivated, propelled with the excitement of starting, yet as weeks move on I see them slipping back and not doing what they need to do for success. In the beginning it is hard to keep pushing forward because you aren’t seeing results yet and you think that what you’re doing isn’t changing anything. It is crucial you stay committed to your exercise and nutrition. It is consistency that will yield those long term results you want. It’s important to keep moving, every day. There will be times or days that it can’t happen. It’s like that for all of us. You just get back at it the next day. If you make excuses, it becomes easier to fall into that trap. Treat your workouts like any other important meeting you have in your day.

With a careful examination of what you are doing ( or not doing) how you are eating, and what your purposeful exercise looks like, you’ll be moving closer to your goals of weight loss. And one final thought, don’t give up. Just because you don’t “see” results right away doesn’t mean things aren’t happening. Change takes time. Let the process happen 🙂

Why I’ve Given Up On The Scale

scale

The scale. I’ve written about this little tool before. I talk about it ’cause it makes me sad and crazy to see people under some burden of feeling their worth and value is somehow connected to what those numbers say.

Those numbers don’t make you a better or worse person… say that to yourself if you fall in that grouping.

I’ve come a long way in my relationship with it. From a love/hate to… ” I don’t need you anymore scale… I can ignore you and life is splendid without you”

Our relationship went to another level this week as I again reminded myself, in the overall context of my health, lean muscle mass, how I look, how I feel, and my athletic abilities, it’s irrelevant.

Like…totally…irrelevant.

I don’t use it often… sometimes it’s a few times a year…

then there are just those times that I’m thinking I feel leaner and look it and there’s better definition to my muscles and so I hop on to just check it out…

that’s where I was this week… and that’s when it told me… nope… you’re still rocking along right where you’ve been almost forever….

What. Ever.

Now that’s not a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all. What I constantly drill through my head is the fact if I’m putting on muscle the scale might not change at all, even though my body does. ( note…you really have to workout for a while before you start claiming muscle weight. This won’t happen in 6-8 weeks) Compared to fat, muscle is much more compact and dense and contrary to things I hear people say, muscle does not weigh more than fat. A pound is a pound.

fat

But geeez…. you’d think with all I put myself through it would offer up something different.

Like hey here’s a consolation prize for busting your butt all the time!

I joke… but I don’t care anymore…

well.. I do…. but I don’t…

I’m smart enough to know and understand a healthy perameter I need to stay in. Beyond that… yeah.. I don’t care.

And I’ll speak this disclaimer here as well: we ALL have a healthy weight zone we need to be in for good health and an energetic lifestyle. You know if you have extra fat. You know it needs to go. In your journey to lose it, the scale is a tool, to show progress of less fat. Record your numbers and move on. Use it wisely then leave it alone.

I guess I can say that now 8 years into my health and fitness journey. I’ve learned a lot in these past few years about weight, the scale, my body, and the fact it’s an ongoing science experiment.

I’ve gone from having weight to lose, which I did in a slow, steady manner, almost 50 pounds to be exact. At that time, the scale definitely helped keep me moving towards my goals.

Fat had to go. I weighed in once a week. I accepted the results and didn’t let it define me or make me feel like a loser who needed to give up and quit. I didn’t expect instant results.

The fat did go. The goal had been to get “thin” (whatever that means )

I started running.. it was easy to keep pretty lean logging miles. Add to that training for marathons and logging 50-60 miles a week… I had the lowest body fat percentage I’d ever had in my life.

The scale tipped to a low point that was easy to maintain based on all those miles.

I just accepted those numbers for where I was at athletically.

I guess the thing I learned being new to athletic life is that when you train hard all the time, and come off it, your body adapts and settles back to a weight I believe, everyone has “pre-programmed” in them. It’s the place you can stay and not have to obsessively diet or watch every crumb that goes in your mouth.

You can easily maintain where you are.

I’ve learned that when I’m not in heavy training, I’ll carry about 5- 10 more pounds on me.

It’s been a revelation that I’m ok with…. mostly. I understand athletically there are seasons and my body will change based on what I’m doing.

Not burning up the road with so many miles has allowed my muscles to grow more and so there are parts of me that are more developed now and take up space…my body has responded to weight training by building muscle.

Other reasons why I’ve given up on the scale:

it doesn’t tell me I’m getting stronger.

it doesn’t reflect the creativity or thought processes that come from miles on the road.

it doesn’t reflect my overall health and well being.

It doesn’t define me as a person by whatever numbers roll up for that day.

it doesn’t take into account I’m a woman or where I’m at in my cycle.

it won’t reflect how well I perform on the bike or running.

it’s not going to applaud my good lab reports

it doesn’t define my worth or value.

The total number certainly doesn’t reflect I’m more lean muscle now than fat.

And finally, it definitely won’t tell me my jeans look good or offer me coffee 😉

What can you do or focus on besides the scale? Try some of these things:

How do you look in mirror?
Are your clothes fitting better?

How do you feel? Strong, confident, healthy? Do you have more energy? Can you move through your day strong and able to do daily tasks with ease?

Focus on action. Are you eating well? Do you have a consistent exercise or training program?

Do you have more self confidence and an overall better body image?

These are all good things to focus on other than the fickle and always changing numbers of a scale. Learning to do these things will give you a new mindset on viewing yourself and your relationship with the scale.

Ok, well this probably won’t be my last rant on the scale. If this made you laugh or smile a bit, good.

If you want to read more, check out my post, The Scale Experiment, where I literally charted my weight at various times through an entire 12 hours to show how much it fluctuates and changes in the day.

On your own journey of health and wellness I want you to embrace and love who you are…all along the journey. Yes, you might be on a course to lose some weight or you might be at your goal weight now and working on getting stronger and more fit. No matter where you are..love and embrace yourself on the journey… because that is where we really get to know ourselves… and don’t forget to celebrate all your victories along the way that have nothing to do with the scale.

Do What You Can’t

You-must-do-the-thing-you-think-you-cant-do

“Do what you can’t”

It was a clip off of a commercial that was on. The tag line jumped out at me.

I let the words breathe over me for a few moments.

“Do what you can’t”

It left no room for considering something as impossible… unattainable… or out of reach .

Like.. just do it.

I considered those words a bit longer. I remembered an acrostic I had seen on “I can’t” years ago.

C- certainly

A- Am

N- Not

T- Trying

I thought of the times in my life those words had crossed my lips. I’ve entertained those less and less as I get older. I’ve done enough crazy things to realize that really, I can. I just need to train my mind to get out of my way and do it.

I thought of the times I’ve heard people say that. Sometimes in regards to things that they want to do or sometimes it’s in regards to what I’ve done ( oh I cant run…can’t lift weights… can’t….)

Listen, I couldn’t either a few years ago. Once my mind got out of the way and I let my body do things it’s naturally made to do, It was crazy how it turned into…

watch me.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes the things I’m considering scare me. They scare me ’cause I start thinking those thoughts…can I do this? Am I able?

Those thoughts of self doubt scare me a bit more than the thing I’m considering taking on, if I’m being honest.

Why? Because I let doubts creep in about my abilities… but I’ve learned .. I can really train myself into anything.

How I think. How I approach life. My attitude towards things. How I take on new physical activities .

So as I considered that little phrase it just made me think of the times I’ve taken on the things “I can’t”.

Fear has no place there. Insecurities have no place there. Self doubt has no place there.

You know what happens when you push through and take on the idea that you can do anything?

It’s empowering. It builds confidence .You feel you can take on the world.

What big thing do you want to do ?

Go back to school? Lose weight? Take on a new project? Pursue a new fitness goal?

What do you need to remove from your thinking to accomplish something you think you can’t do?

You are only limited by your mind and the self imposed limits you put on yourself.

Go do what you can’t.

Eating Disorders And The Dark Side Of Food

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I was reminded of something again the other day that I hadn’t thought about in awhile. It’s something I’ve largely walked away from but it can, at times, still have it’s lingering claws sunk into me.

Disordered thinking about food and eating.

I guess on some levels, we all grow up with some kind of disordered thinking when it comes to eating and feeding our bodies.

If we’re fortunate we live in a family where balance and health is taught. We may or may not be so fortunate.

Food was always important in our family. Holidays, celebrations, birthdays, big Sunday meals, food was a part of everything.

That’s not inherently, bad. Food is a part of life and a part we should be able to enjoy and have fun with. Food nourishes us and gives us life. Food brings us together.

Unfortunately, food can also become as much of an addictive, powerful, and deadly force in our lives as drugs or alcohol.

My grandmother and mom were amazing cooks. It’s where I learned that nothing compares to homemade baked goods. They taught me how to read recipes and be inventive. I totally acknowledge I learned all I know about food and cooking from them.

Both of them, were also morbidly obese.

More was always better growing up. Clean your plate. Leave nothing behind. Seconds, well, of course you should have them. Eat until you felt your stomach would come through your skin.

That is such a gross feeling. It’s one I haven’t experienced now in so long I can’t tell you… I haven’t eat like that in more years than I can count… and I don’t miss it at all.

I’m not beating up on my family. It’s just the truth of my reality.

It wasn’t till I was a full grown adult that I could really see much more clearly the impact food had on my family… in a negative way. Besides my grandmother and mom having all kinds of health problems from being to fat, there was the emotional aspect of food and eating that I could identify much more clearly.

Food was comfort. Food met unmet emotional needs. Food was love.

I was in a family of overeaters and binging on food was quite common.

Eating disorders at it’s finest.

Thankfully, as I began my health journey and started getting a handle on my weight and where I was heading, I also had eyes that started clearly seeing what I had grown up with thinking it was normal and ok.

It wasn’t. Overeating and binging on food is never ok.

And I’m not talking about, you know, Christmas dinner where you have an extra roll and potatoes. Those are special occasions where you might be tempted to eat a bit more than usual. I’m talking about it as an unhealthy lifestyle.

The other ugly end of the spectrum of course, is not eating or withholding food. Anorexia and bulimia, two major eating disorders wreak as much havoc on people as eating to much food.

All of them, incidentally, are listed as mental illnesses. Did you know that ?

All of them in their own ways, destroy the body. Food is one of the few things we have power over in our lives…what we eat…how we eat.. how much we eat…we have exclusive control. In a world that we might seem to have no power… we have power over our food intake…or lack thereof.

Consider a few of these stats:

One in 200 American women suffers from anorexia. 2-3 American women suffer from bulimia. An additional 10% of women report symptoms consistent with eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, and binge disorder eating leaving the numbers at a staggering 75% of American women who endorse some unhealthy thoughts, feelings, or behaviors related to food or their bodies.

Of course these numbers don’t reflect men who suffer from these diseases as well. The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders states approximately 8 million Americans suffer with eating disorders. There are indications from other forums that those numbers are actually, higher.

Those are staggering numbers.

Eating disorders — such as anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder – include extreme emotions, attitudes, and behaviors surrounding weight and food issues. Eating disorders are serious emotional and physical problems that can have life-threatening consequences for females and males

Now back to my opening line of thoughts that still sink their claws into me…

No, I don’t believe I ever had a full blown eating disorder. Well, I know I didn’t.

Disordered thinking regarding food, absolutely.

There were times, certainly, when I was pretty thin. After all, isn’t that what’s pushed at us?

Be thin. Thinner is better. Except during those times I never viewed myself that way… I didn’t see myself as I really was…mentally I thought I was heavier… but the world saw a very tall thin woman.

EatingDisorderImage

I ran the gambit of things growing up and well into adulthood.

Skipping breakfast, not eating till dinner, eating ridiculous small portions that weren’t enough food, pushing a lot of water, chewing gum to try and ignore my hunger, frequent check in’s with the scale, crazy fad diets.. yeah…disordered at its best. Thinking about food all the time or when I could have it (weird how when you are in those places, food can dominate your thinking, especially when you keep yourself hungry all the time) then when I finally allowed myself to eat… of course.. it was inhaled because I was so hungry.

Those thoughts can sometimes still creep in…

Like thinking about the calories of something when I know I need to eat…like after or before a workout. Thankfully, I view food more as fuel for my body and a way to nourish it now days but sometimes I find myself thinking… maybe I don’t need that…

Maybe I should skip a meal.

Maybe I don’t need a pre-snack before a long hard workout.

Ignoring my hunger when I know I need to eat.

Sometimes not eating enough food.

However, those thoughts are rare now, and I think I have an overall healthy attitude with food and keeping it in a proper place in my life. I know eating well not only fuels my daily activities but what I enjoy doing physically. I’ve learned eating three (healthy, nourishing meals) keeps me from being hungry and not thinking about food all day.

Not only that, good nutrition and athletic activities have given me a strong, powerful body that I prefer now over the vague quest to just be “thin”.

Some of you reading this might struggle with that very thing: keeping food in a proper place and relationship for what it is. Maybe you struggle with your perception of yourself.

Perhaps you’ve been there but have it managed now.

Food is, and will be a huge part of our lives. Understanding how we relate to it and the role we allow it to play in our lives is huge.

Again, as I mentioned earlier, it can also be a “power” issue.

The power to choose. The power to withhold. The power to overdo. The power to eat and hide it. The power to secretly eat to much and throw it up.

This can give us a sense of “control” when our worlds might be, or seem, out of control. Unfortunately, for some, these diseases can become what controls their lives.

These are such deep, broad issues that I’ve barely touched on. The reasons why someone struggles with it is wide and varied.

Eating disorders have no economic or social boundaries. Both sexes can struggle with them. Having an awareness of the issue is the first step to wellness and a healthier relationship with food.

For more information or help visit http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

Tips To Kick Start A Healthier Lifestyle

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Once again another article caught my eye. I’m always drawn to news stories on health and fitness and am usually looking to see if it will tell me something new that I don’t know. I gather tidbits from articles that I find useful and valuable for myself or others and mentally discard the rest.

However, I’m always disappointed when the story leads to telling me this… being overweight/fat leads to health problems.

Like…tell me something I don’t know. Or tell the world something they don’t already know.

This is why the “diet” industry rakes in billions of dollars a year… from people who know that and want to make a change… who hope that the next new shiny thing will be what morphs them into being thinner, stronger, healthier, and more fit.

I may have said this before… once or twice… and if you follow me much you know what I believe…

there is no magic cure or diet.

Can I just make a suggestion here? Throw something out at you? Do with it what you will…

Why not start with not eating crap… to put it bluntly…. and learning to exercise?

Two things. Two points here beautiful people.

Maybe you need to make a list of what you eat, maybe you don’t. You know how you eat and what you eat. You know if it comes more in drive thru bags, boxes, or purchased off convenience store shelves.

Sugar, fatty, processed, high calorie “foods”. These are often what’s referred to as “empty calories” … simple carbs… it’s the stuff you don’t really need.

Cookies, crackers, chips, donuts, muffins, snack cakes, pastries, sugar cereals, sugared drinks, super size fries etc. we’ve been brainwashed to think we “need” to buy, eat, have these things.

We don’t.

All it does is mess with our bodies chemistry, often put us on a roller coaster of hunger, and adds nothing but fat to our bodies… and not the good fat we need.

It’s the kind of fat that grows around our waist and clogs up our hearts arteries and makes us buy bigger jeans.

Really, you don’t need that stuff. Yeah, some of it tastes good, but so does your health. And trust me, when you start intentionally working your way away from it, these food products will have less and less pull on you.

So start there. Don’t go crazy and think you have to go live off kale and nothing else. Start by working to eliminate the crap food from your daily diet.

I’ve talked with people who “just” gave up sodas and they were amazed at their weight loss. No wonder. A standard can of Coke has 39g of sugar… which is 8 teaspoons in a can! Now figure if someone puts away….3,4, 5, or more Cokes a day…. that’s a ton of sugar for nothing but empty calories.

If one thing can make a big difference imagine if you cut out other stuff too. Depending on how much of these simple carbs show up in your daily food allotment you might have to take slow baby steps eliminating a thing or two at a time… but do it.

Your body will thank you… your improved health will be a huge reward for you.

Now the other part…exercise. I’m kinda big on that now days. Mainly because I have enough of a track record now to preach like crazy at you regarding all the benefits of it.

Mental clarity? Physical strength? Weight loss? Amazing lab results? A body that’s reshaped? Learning to set and achieve goals? Reduce your risk of heart disease? Gain energy? Improve memory? Gain strength and flexibility? Sleep better? Increased confidence? Mood improver?

Am I selling you yet ? 😉

So here’s the deal. Find something you think you can stick with, that you like, and do it.

I hear all the time from people… “It’s great you run but I don’t like running!”

I get it… running is hard and its not for everyone… if you don’t like it…don’t do it… but for heavens sake find something you do like, or think you could learn to, and get after it.

Do it every day. Make no excuses to not do it. Put it on your planner like you do going to lunch with a friend or any other appointment. Don’t play the martyr role and place yourself on the back burner of life.

You… your health… is worth it… I hope you get that …really.

It needs to be up there on top of your list ’cause I’ll tell you, no one else is going to put your health up there and make you get stuff done.

So here’s the kicker. Here’s what I learned a few years ago when I was scrambling trying to get my feet under me and get on this fitness journey…

when I started daily exercising ( and I mean daily… I accepted no excuses from myself to not get it done) I liked how I felt when I finished. I liked the feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction of doing it. I loved how clear my mind felt. I even liked being tired from it ( no endurance in the beginning for sure)

Before the scale had barely changed. Before a visible muscle had appeared. Before I ever thought about running or lifting or riding a bike like a crazy demon….

I loved how I felt when I finished.

And when you start exercising and feeling good about yourself for doing it, you start taking more of a look at what you are stuffing in your face and evaluating it.

Is it worth it? Do I need it? Do I feel better without it?

And as you keep on eliminating that crappy food you don’t really need and make a commitment to daily exercise, somehow, the weight slowly and steadily will begin to come off.

You gain a new confidence in yourself. You start to look at what you do and how you eat in a different way.

It’s a process. But if you start with these two points, I’m pretty sure you’ll find yourself on a path to success… and skinnier jeans as well 😉

The Joy Of Your Health Journey

Find-joy-in-the-journey

It’s afternoon and I’m perched at the bar in my fav coffee cave with the hopeful expectation if I just start typing words, thoughts will form, and then magically my blog post will be born.

Actually, I have tons of thoughts that clamor to get out. Sometimes, they are all over each other and won’t let me separate them. I came in with a topic on my mind and realized awhile back I had written something almost exact on it ( I guess I feel kinda passionate about the topic. If you’re curious it’s about.. fat… and the post is called “The Ugly Truth About Fat” you can read it too when you’re done here 😉 )

Anyway, I scraped that idea and was pulling down another long drink of my steaming coffee when hubby started messaging me. Now as much as I love hearing from the guy, sometimes, he can break my artistic and creative thinking.

However, today he actually stirred up some thoughts in my head with his teasing.

He threw out at me “didn’t I have a pill or shake or something to just magically make him lose weight and to help him get in shape?” he says things like that cause he knows those over hyped products make me crazy… totally crazy.

I laughed and told him he was out of luck. He had to do it the old fashioned, not fancy, but get the job done way: exercise and eat sensible healthy foods.

I jokingly said…” but if I gave you a pill or shake you’d miss out on all the fun of achy muscles and sweating”.

And then it hit me… it’s what I want to talk about…

Weight loss. Exercise. Committing to living a healthier lifestyle.

The journey.

It takes work.

Actually, it takes a lot of crazy hard work and discipline. Oh yeah, and an unwillingness to give up or quit. It takes a tenacity to get up each day and to keep going after it. You buckle into it as a life long commitment and not just a brief dating experience.

It takes a new mental focus to pass by the local fast food dollar menu that you wanna load up on and stuff in your face driving down the road, to pass on the chocolate bars checking out at the grocery store, or to scale down the big bowl of ice cream etc.

It takes intentional determination to choose healthier foods over junk foods.

To eat less when your mouth and eyes just want to eat more but your tummy has said… “HEY! we’ve got enough down here!”

It takes a serious amount of mental work in the beginning to get in your workout gear and get after it. I never wear exercise clothes to just wear exercise clothes. Those for me, mean work. They aren’t play clothes. My mind knows exactly what’s coming when I’m in my work gear… it’s time to get serious.

Then of course there’s the physical out put you invest into your chosen activity. You already know what comes from it. If you do it right you’re breathing hard, sweating, and your heart is beating strongly in your chest.

How much I love those feelings now! How much I anticipate it!

So when I fired back at hubby he’d miss out on sweating and aching muscles I realized how much I’ve learned in the course of training and disciplining myself on this journey I call a healthy lifestyle.

How much we would miss out on if there were …really.. some secret magic pill or potion to help us get rid of the weight we had put on from a lazy lifestyle and never have to exert any energy or invest anything of ourselves into the process!

Over the course of the past few years I’ve been at it I’ve learned to embrace some things…to look forward to them.. to see the fruits of my labor present themselves in my life.

I love a body that is tired from hard work of my physical labor! I don’t mind my muscles being tight when I know its from running or cycling or lifting heavy weights. I don’t mind days I’ve done a 20 mile run and I’m ready for bed at 9 pm like some old person ( forget that I was on the road at 5:30 that morning getting after it)

I DID A 20 MILE RUN THAT DAY!

Did I ever think, years, or the year or even months before I could do that?

You don’t do things like that without investing a lot to get there. I didn’t pop a pill or drink a magic potion. I busted my butt to get to that point…involving hours and hours of training and sacrifice…

I think if I had a short cut I would’ve missed out on all the discipline it’s taught me. I would not have the incredible fierce mental toughness I have that only miles and miles out on a road will teach you. I wouldn’t have learned about sacrifice to make things happen or the work needed to accomplish huge goals. I wouldn’t have experienced the joys and pains of pursuing goals bigger than I am.

I think back to my beginning days when a 2 mile walk was enough.

I realize how much I’ve grown and learned. How much stronger and more powerful my body is now. How much energy I have. How I’ve learned to eat better and how to eat to fuel not just my day but my athletic activities.

It’s been a birthing process. A journey. An adventure that can only be limited by my mind.

Taking short cuts would not grow us. It wouldn’t teach us. We wouldn’t value what we were given if we didn’t have to invest and work hard for it. We wouldn’t have the satisfaction of reaching goals that have challenged us.

I know now that the process is ongoing. It will require consistent effort, discipline and hard work.

I know its worth it. The labors I go through make the end results all that much sweeter.

I for one, am grateful, there wasn’t a pill or magic potion to do it for me.

I would’ve missed out on so much on my journey. I would’ve certainly missed out on learning exactly what I’m made of and what I’m capable of doing.

journey arm pic

Wherever you are learn to enjoy the journey. Embrace the process. Learn from your experiences and celebrate how fierce and strong you are.

You don’t need pills or potions.

You just need your indomitable spirit to do it.

The Emotional Roller Coaster Of Eating

diet-rollercoaster

Oops you did it again. Somehow, that bag of Cheetos just disappeared. Did you eat that many? the BAG?? It’s gone ??

You immediately feel the guilt and stuff the bag in the can… hating yourself….the familiar feeling settling in over you..

ok maybe Cheetos aren’t your “thing” perhaps you’ve set out to only have a little of something and somehow, before you know it, it’s gone.

The ice cream. The cookies. The bottle of wine.

Perhaps it’s at meal time. You determine you will eat what you need and no more, yet by the time you push away, seconds have graced your plate even though your hunger was satisfied a long time ago.

Or your at the office brunch/breakfast/lunchy thing where there’s usually a plethora of crappy food with a lone veggie tray hanging out at the end of the table like an ugly step child. You think you’ll only get “a little” of something yet before you know it your plate is overflowing and so is your self imposed food guilt.

Been there. Done that.

Guilt. Remorse.

All or Nothing.

Eat to much…feel bad about it… eat more to feel better about it…feel worse. Then go to starve and deprive mode.

Repeat guilt and remorse cycle using food to comfort your crappy feelings from doing it.

Where do you get off the roller coaster ??? It’s a horrible place to be yet, so many of us live there or have lived there.

Life shouldn’t be lived that way nor should we have such a distorted relationship with food and eating.

We’re in it together for our entire lives .. we need to be able to eat, be satisfied, and enjoy food in reasonable portions without feeling guilty.

Why do we behave this way?

We’ve been conditioned that foods are “good” or “bad”. We’ve been told if we need to lose weight we must “diet” and that means removing all tasty foods we love from our presence and not having them for a determined length of time, if ever, again. It means suffering…doing without…having no fun… restricitions and parties where you don’t get to eat cake while everyone else does and you sit on the sidelines forlornly stuffing a celery stick in your mouth.

A horrible, miserable existence in the pursuit of health and balance with food.

Over time, and on my own terms I learned it just doesn’t have to be that way. When I started my journey now ( 8 years ago) one of the things I rebelled against was some set “diet’ that told me what I could eat and couldn’t eat.

What if I didn’t feel like eating that particular “thing” at that meal?? What if there was a birthday party and I wanted a little cake? Why is every single, stupid, diet 1200 calories? Like we all have the same caloric needs??

No, no, no. I’m to much of a rebel and free spirit to be locked into some diet. So I set off determined to do things my way.

What did that look like?

First, I determined nothing was “off limits”. You might be thinking…”wow… wouldn’t you just go crazy and wolf down a bag of chocolate or something?” No, ’cause I’m a big person in charge of myself and I can be trusted I won’t do that. .. and you’re a big person too with the same abilities.

Somehow, mentally doing that, took the power away from food… I knew it was there… I knew if I wanted it I could have it.. I just made choices based on whether or not eating those foods would help me get closer to my goals.

Food has a tremendous power over us… we need to be the one in control of it… not the reverse.

There was a whole lot of freedom in that… there still is. Without that restriction on me it was easier to not be thinking of things I “couldn’t” have. I learned to enjoy my meals, to appreciate my food. To eat and move on to my next thing… which wasn’t obsessing over the next meal or when I could eat again.. I stopped thinking so much about food..

pure freedom…..

Second, I wasn’t obsessing over calories. I learned to start listening to my body and feed it enough food to be satisfied but not to full. I learned to feed it when it was growling and hungry. I didn’t eat just because “it was time” by the clock. I didn’t stuff “seconds” in just because it tasted good.

Yes, there were times I had a meal that I felt like wasn’t helping me to my goals. Yes, I was fully aware of it but I made a choice to have it and I made a choice to just keep moving forward each day. I didn’t quit or beat myself up. I didn’t go just grab more food cause I felt like in some way I had “failed” so why bother?

Listen, you fail when you freaking quit.

I took ownership for my eating habits. I didn’t make excuses to myself for poor choices…but like anything… it’s a learning process. You do it till it just becomes second nature to you… an ingrained habit.

I learned to navigate dinners out, family gatherings, birthday parties etc. I ate food in moderation. I had cake! A small piece is just as satisfying if not more, than a big piece. I learned to get picky about what I ate… if I didn’t love it… I learned to pass on it and not take it cause it was there. There was again, more freedom in making my food selections and knowing I was in control.

And somehow, day after day, making intentional choices I lost the weight. As time went on it got easier and easier to leave behind things that once might have landed on my plate. Healthy foods began to be what I craved over other things.

There was no guilt or remorse. No shame cycle with food. Eat. Be satisfied. Move on.

I had meals. I allowed myself treats when I realllyy wanted something. I learned a small treat was satisfying.

It was a slow process of making changes and learning what worked for me. I didn’t need a “diet”. I didn’t need restrictions. I didn’t need to live the rest of my life on a guilt and remorse roller coaster for what I ate.

Neither do you. Learn about yourself. Commit to making small daily changes that will become life long habits. Learn to listen to your body and respect it by treating it well…mentally and physically. Get off the roller coaster of guilt and remorse with food… life isn’t meant to be lived that way. It’s meant to be lived in freedom.

Know Your Limits

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It’s afternoon and I’m holed up in my fav coffee shop with the intent of hammering out a post for you, my 1.5 faithful readers.

I’m listening to the happy banter of the baristas behind me as they whip up drinks. I’ve tried to get to know them and something about their lives. I like building those relationships with people, I mess around with them and some of them… I shamelessly tease and harass… even with all that they think I’m “cool and fun” and keep me hooked up with coffee when I’m around.

I’ll take that.

Anyway, it’s a gorgeous day and it’s hard for me to be inside, but in all fairness I’ve already been out on the road this morning logging miles as my legs remind me.

Specifically my quads with that tight sorta achy feeling that comes from hard work invested out on the road.

In a sick way I kinda like that feeling… I don’t mind tired legs when I know it’s because of what I’ve physically invested into myself and the gut level hard work that I’ve done.

Maybe I should say that todays workout was a “brick” session. For those of you reading this and wondering if I’m out tossing bricks around, no. It’s just a term that refers to one athletic activity sandwiched by another.

In this instance.. for me.. it was miles on foot, followed by miles on bike, with more miles on foot to wrap it up.

I will tell you that it’s my second time to intentionally do this. I figured if I squish it in my midweek workout it’s a good balance to the rest of the week.

Why? why you may be wondering…

Well a few years ago I realized there was actually an event that combined both sports I’m hooked on… running and cycling.. a duathlon. However, I’ve had a pesky Achilles thing that really derailed me in the running dept so I haven’t been able to pursue it as I had thought I would by now. With some care, a tiny bit of patience, ALOT of stretching and rolling, I think it’s improving so I’m walking a careful line of doing enough but not to much.

I’m actually semi-hopeful I could do it by the end of the year.

Yeah.. I’ve publicly committed to doing a duathlon. And not just anyone but one that’s listed as “the toughest in the state”. It should be mentioned that it’s literally run almost out my backdoor so I can train the heck out of the course all year so it does give me a slight advantage… slight.

The course though is some pretty crazy hills and inclines. It’s a 5K, followed by a 22 ride, and another 5K for the icing on the cake.

I thought about it this morning and wondered honestly.. what the hell I’m thinking?? I felt like I did when I first mentioned I was going to take on a full marathon.. terror and the fearful thought of ” can I do this?”

Let me tell you…if you’re gonna do anything there is simply no room…at all.. for that kind of thinking. You will shut yourself down before you ever get started.

It will be an event with athletes half my age and in amazing physical condition. But then I remembered it’s really not about a competition with anyone but myself and going out and doing it.. even if I might be the last one crawling in 😉

It’s all the time I will spend training and the lessons I’ll learn on the road doing it. It will be the sacrifices and tired legs. It will be hours on a bike. It will be learning to move fast on legs that are tired after running and biking.

So I’ve started…small… but with an eye towards moving forward. Todays brick work was small. It was 2 miles on foot, 10 on the bike, and 2 on foot. It gives me the chance to work with moving out of gear and into it, of mentally shifting gears of activities, and mostly, learning how to move my legs quick after being on the bike!

I found myself wanting to push more this morning.. thinking… maybe I should move the distance up some.. or move faster… and I had to remind myself of this…

Know your limits.

Yes, I’m a runner. Yes, I’ve been cycling. Yes I’m in a good physical condition. But it’s a different ball game putting them together and only my second training session out doing it. I had to remind myself for now, a few weeks, these are my limits of distance until I acclimate then I can add a bit more in the distance area.

To protect myself from injury or doing to much to soon I need to know my limits and operate there as I adapt to the challenges of doing both at once. I’m fiercely competitive with myself so to say it’s hard reining myself in is an understatement.

That’s what I want to tell you, to remind you of. You might be new to a fitness program or toying with the idea of doing something. Maybe your friend has been after you to go to the gym or go out on the road.

Know your limits.

If it’s been awhile since you’ve done anything you need to know what those limits are and operate in that zone. Maybe for you your limits are just moving off the coach and out the door for a walk down the street a few times. Perhaps you’ve been running but are thinking of taking it up another notch…increasing miles a bit…again.. know your limits to protect against injury.

Don’t go out and decide you’re just going to run when you haven’t even been walking.. you’re setting yourself up for pain and failure. Don’t go to the gym thinking you’re going to keep up using heavier weight when your milk carton is the heaviest thing you’ve been tossing around.

Take a critical look at where you are, what you’ve been actively doing, and how long it’s been since you’ve done anything physical.

Understand what those limits are and operate within them. You will be constantly assessing and reassessing what those limits are as you get stronger.

Most of all, never be afraid to constantly be stretching those limits to new, exciting and more challenging things. Nothing feel better or makes you feel more successful than new physical goals that are accomplished.