life – Page 3 – sassyfitnesschick

A Time And A Season For All Things

season

I saw her coming down the aisle. Shopping cart half loaded and small children hanging off of it. A baby carrier was nestled in the top portion.

A young mom juggling several small lives and gathering food for her clan.

We passed giving each other the polite smile. I contemplated her life and thought how very far away that all felt from me at this point.

I’m thankful to still feel young and energetic but my “little children” days are a few years back now.

My oldest just turned 27. My last pregnancy was in 1994.

I’m a grandmother.

I will be (again) as my son and his wife just announced they are expecting in October =) Being a grandparent really is way better than you can imagine… really… it’s so different from raising your own kids. And it’s kind of crazy seeing your children as adults, still your kids, but all grown up and you’re in this different place with them.

I’ve often been reminded of this truth from the writer of Ecclesiastes… “there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens”

When I was in my baby making days, ( I don’t participate in this activity anymore haha) it seemed like that part of life would go on forever. Well meaning people told me to savor and enjoy it as it would go by fast. Yet somehow, when you’re in the mix of diapers, lacking sleep, trying to keep your home orderly and make sure the baby doesn’t eat the cat liter it seems very far away indeed.

I gave birth to three beautiful sons, spaced nicely apart. I had good pregnancies and easy deliveries. I remember the nurse telling me I had a body perfect for having babies…I laughed and told her I wasn’t making a hobby out of it! 😉 I breastfed all of them successfully and loved the activity of being able to feed my sons. They were fat ( uh chubby) and healthy.

My husband and I had agreed three was our number… no matter what number 3 was… we were stopping. When my third son entered the world I was happy and joyful and had zero remorse that a girl hadn’t been born to me. He was tiny, perfect, and a total delight.

I won’t lie and tell you I didn’t go through my own season of grief realizing I would never experience those things again. Never feel life stir in me, that first movement, hearing the heartbeat, seeing that sono image, watching my belly grow larger as my child grew in me.

The anticipation of their arrival. The joy of seeing what I had when they were born ( We did not find out what any of ours were beforehand… super cool)

Not experience the joy of nursing them and the sweet moments that those times offered. The sleepy times where they lay on my chest, the softness of their breath lulling me to sleep as I breathed in their sweet baby scent. The feel of that soft downy hair under my hand.

Those moments do go by all to quickly I was reminded as my 6’6 first born walked in and enveloped me in a huge hug before dinner last night.

A time and a season for every activity under heaven indeed.

I guess I’m at a point in my life I’m privileged? blessed? to look back and see those seasons, appreciate them, and know they are a normal part of the rhythm and flow of life.

Now, I see young moms and think “God bless them” followed by… “I’m glad I’m through all that!” And “I like having my body all to myself” haha at this season in life I’ll be honest and say I’m enjoying my freedom.

My seasons involve my children getting married, preparing for college, making future plans, getting blessed with grandbabies and watching my youngest approach her senior year of school.

Ahhhh my last one in school!

There have been seasons of change in my personal life, and my own childhood family.

There have been seasons of loss, and seasons of the celebration of life.

And for me, exciting seasons of contemplating adventures and new things I want to do.

I love the point I am in life right now.

Yes, I’ve moved through seasons that are done. Yes, some of them I’ve grieved. Some of them I’ve celebrated passing through! Some have been downright painful and full of struggle.

But what is rather amazing and awesome is the fact, we (all) will continue to move through new seasons in our lives.

I’m thankful to be where I am, to be strong and energetic and eager for the new seasons unfolding in front of me.

There are so many things to pursue!

I’ve tried to learn, to view, to accept, that seasons in our life are what makes life. I often refer to them as new adventures.

Sometimes they are hard. Sometimes painful, joyful, or confusing. They are what makes life.

What do you think ? Is life made up in this way, seasons that we pass through ? Where are you now ? Have you learned to accept and embrace where you are ?

My 2015 Year In Review

So we’ve just wrapped up 2015 and are a few days into the brand new year. You don’t have to look far to see magazines featuring stories like:

“The Best Of The Year”, “People Of The Year”, or ” Things That Amazed Us” or some sort of various titles. All of them show casing people or events that highlighted the year… often featuring celebrities or major events.

Then I realized, hey, I’m not famous or anything but I had some really cool stuff happen in 2015. Well, cool stuff and hard stuff but that’s life, right ?

I daresay, if you look back at your year, you could say the same thing. We don’t have to be celebrities to have awesome things happen that are worth sharing or shouting from the roof tops, (nod your head yes 😉

So, humor me if you will, my year in review.

January found me coming out of finishing my second marathon in December dropping my time to 4:52 from my previous (first) marathon the year before I did in 5:23.

225592_179313034_XLarge — Moments after the finish of my second marathon Dec 7, 2014

I had also turned 50 and decided I was going to run a 50K to celebrate that milestone sometime in my 50th year. I committed to it in January with the race date set for March 1. My training continued with my goal focused on the biggest race I had ever considered. My friends called me “crazy” and “insane” … I can’t think of better compliments 😉

20150119_181146-1 — When you make something public… you’re really committed to doing it 😉

Sadly, and unfortunately, the Dallas/Ft Worth area had turned into a slushy, snowy, winter wonderland during race weekend. By Saturday night they had cancelled all races but the half marathon for Sunday morning.

I was beyond devastated. To get to that point… to have invested so much time training… to be so mentally and physically prepared… was crushing.

I cried. I won’t lie. I cried that night. I cried that morning watching them discuss it on the early morning news as I prepared to go run (at least) the half marathon.

I will admit to biting back tears waiting in my corral to start the race (freezing) …my “Ultra Marathon” bib standing out in stark contrast to all the half marathon bibs surrounding me. I remember smiling politely as a guy joked with me that this race would just feel like a “warm up” run for me.

But I didn’t go all that way to run and not do…. something….. it was certainly new territory for me as I had trained in everything I could… except snow and ice…

they had cleared the course as best as they could but the roads were wet and ice patches were everywhere and there were many points of dodging piles of slush. It was misty raining and about 35 degrees. I finished in about 2:19. Not my most impressive time, but I did it. I had never been more cold or emotionally drained than when I finished that race.

20150301_112614-2 — Clutching my hard earned medal in the frozen tundra 😉

I can pretty well say, I don’t think a hot shower had ever felt better afterwards.

Mid-March I had already planned to run a spring half marathon that was close to home for me. So two weeks after my frozen half marathon in Dallas, I was enjoying a romp through the downtown streets of San Antonio… in much warmer weather.

race_1002_photo_15766931 — On course in the last couple miles of the Alamo 13.1 half marathon

After returning home the race committee sent an e-mail that ultra and marathoners who hadn’t been able to race could do a virtual race (within that month) and still get all their runners goodies. I was down for that. So I picked a date and with my husband waiting for me at an appointed time I took off for my own 50K running adventure… on my own training territory.

It was a much nicer day to do it….

IMG_0135-1 — Yes, still standing after finishing my first 50K =)

I will tell you this… I have never been more tired or physically exhausted in my entire life. 31.7 miles can do that to you 😉

But I’d never felt stronger or more empowered in my life. Doing something that is so huge, and so much bigger than you are shapes you into this iron willed creature. It makes you feel like you can take on the world.

Although.. I wondered if I’d be able to crawl into the shower once I came off my “high” haha

Ok… so yeah if you’re counting that’s two half marathons and a 50K Ultra marathon all in March. And I don’t forget my marathon from a few previous months before. Not bad for a girl who started off just walking 2 miles at night a few years before…

April was a bittersweet time for me as I dealt with my Mom being gone for a year. Life is a mixture of all things… and grief is a process that must be worked through. She was so proud of all my running adventures.

20150927_192826 — Christmas 2013. The last with my mom.

In May I was privileged to celebrate another anniversary with this amazing guy….31 years….give the guy a medal for handling me… haha…he admits to not being able to handle me 😉 My cheerleader, friend, supporter, one who has been with me through so much. I love him.

20150301_125118 — This guy. I couldn’t do all the crazy stuff I do without his support and encouragement.

Unfortunately, after lots of training ( nearly 1,000 training miles in 7 months) I picked up a pesky injury that sidelined me off running for awhile… to long… but I’d rather play hard, hit big goals, than sit back not trying.

This is how I felt about that….

20150617_164323 — This shirt… perfectly expresses my feelings….

June brought unexpected difficulties to our lives as my husband was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. We worked and pushed through and tried not to let it define our lives as he went through all the tests, surgery and procedures that had to be done. He was so amazingly strong. We are thanking God that he was able to go back to work and is on the road to a full recovery =)

For my birthday in July, I picked up my second piece of artwork that I positively love….this has such deep meaning to me… courage to stand in life… to remember that life is not only beautiful but comes with pain and to be courageous in the face of it. Life can require me to fight back… to be courageous in battles and difficulties.

The piece that surrounds my wrist says “strength” on the other side that you can’t see. Life has demanded much strength from me in these past few years… it is a life word to me.

20150709_180616 — “Courage” my second piece of artwork. I’m in love with this.

And while we we’re moving through our year, we were also preparing for a wedding. My middle son was getting married in September to a beautiful young woman we love. There were details and arrangements and plans to be attended to.

In the end… they were married…and it was a gorgeous wedding with a stunning couple ( I am NOT biased at all haha)

20150912_191854 — My son and his lovely bride =)

20150912_190702 — Celebrating with hubby

I’d say both families felt successful when it was all over and everyone had a good time. I think I danced most of the night in my 4 inch heels. By midnight, it was time for them to come off 😉

I’m still adjusting to knowing…. I’m a mother in law…. I have a new daughter…. and I have a married son… the ring on his finger constantly reminding me.

And wrapping up the year… another amazing Christmas with my sweet, precious and beautiful family.

And I’m blessed to celebrate 33 Christmas seasons with my partner in crime.

Dan and Cathie Xmas — Another Christmas with my partner in crime

He always makes Christmas so wonderful for me. And yeah, I’m in shorts. It was a pretty warm Christmas day for us in Texas and since I was cooking and living in the kitchen… it was definitely more comfy!

Of course the year was full of other wonderful celebrations and events like birthdays and anniversaries and random fun moments.

There were up’s and down’s in the year. Normal days and days that made my tummy hurt. Days of laughter and days of tears. God was good to us.

I am grateful to have had an amazing family to move through 2015 with who celebrated joys and achievements with me.

Last but not least, I launched this, my blog, at the end of February. It had been a brainchild for awhile and I finally decided to get it out of my head and into the “real world”.

Thank you, all of you, wherever you are for taking the time to read me, support, and comment whether here or in person. It’s my goal in this upcoming year to continue to write with humor and fun but also to encourage, educate and inspire you to be the best “you” that you can be.

Now tell me… what big events are notable from your 2015 year ?

Life Is Beautiful

Life is beautiful. It’s really pretty amazing, isn’t it ? For a brief moment in time we’re given this glorious gift by our Creator to live out to our fullest.

New days. New moments. New opportunities.

Life can be glorious and beautiful and also full of struggles, hardships and down right overwhelming moments that leave us on our faces wondering if we will have the strength to stand for another day, and another shot, at this thing called life.

None of us move through this world immune to the difficulties that are a part of it. As much as we have good times and are blessed like crazy the hard stuff goes along with it.

Kinda like a painful ying/yang thing.

I was chatting with my childhood friend not so long ago ( ok, that is one of life’s blessings isn’t it? To still have a wonderful friendship with someone you’ve known since 5th grade??) and we were discussing lots of different things

When she tells me this…..

With you, I know you have all this energy and you’re always bouncing around, but I don’t get that kind of stressed-out, nose-to-the-grindstone kinda thing . Your vibe is so HAPPY, like even though you have a million things going it feels like you’re having a good time at the same time, you know?

Wow. I won’t lie … that meant a lot to me.

It meant a lot that in some ways as I moved through stuff in my life I’m able to still maintain a positive kinda attitude. When I share stuff on my personal Facebook page I try and maintain a positive vibe, even when I’m going through rough stuff. I will share things that are going on in my life that are hard, but I (over all) feel like those taking time to read my stuff have their own issues and don’t need me being down in my posts. It’s a choice I make.

I thanked her and shared with her several things I was currently dealing with… the real hard stuff.

No. My life isn’t perfect. I’m not, nor my family, often not daily circumstances, or situations I can’t control or other things that can come along.

Actually, nothing in life is “perfect” is it ? We do learn to appreciate the good times and blessings we receive, but hopefully, we learn how to stand, learn, and grow in the tough times.

Therefore, even when I’ve been in some of the thickest parts of the most painful experiences of my life, I try and keep in mind, life… beautiful, glorious life…. is still going on. I can take the good with the bad, the pain with the joy and embrace it or I can become hardened and bitter in the process.

My life has been blessed in more ways than I can count. Sometimes I wonder what I’ve done to deserve such blessings. Really, I’ve done nothing. To me, God has blessed me, beyond measure.

In the past few years though, I’ve gone through many sorrows, difficulties, and much pain.

For example:

Child issues… it can be a rocky journey getting them to adulthood. There were many sleepless nights and a lot of tears with my kids.

My brother unexpectedly dying a few years ago. Holding my sobbing mother as we stood over his lifeless body, somewhere inside, I was screaming but it never seemed to make it’s way out. I drew on the strength that has always seemed to live in me as I helped her through those days. Yet as we moved through those days and months, I tried to find the beauty of life, and more importantly the beauty of what he saw in life. It was a surreal process we moved through.

My moms gradual declining health and struggle with various illnesses eventually led to her death last year. The sorrow of losing her and dealing with her affairs has been challenging at times. There are days I’m still wondering… how does one live in this world without a Mom ? And then I remember, I live in the ways she taught me. To be a strong woman and to handle what needs to be dealt with. When I do these things I honor her and her memory lives on.

Taking over care of my dad who has Alzheimers. He has declined a lot since her passing last year. It’s a horrible disease that is awful to watch taking over. When a grown man shows up on your door step wanting to know where he lives and how long he’s lived there, it breaks your heart in fresh new ways, mainly because there’s nothing you can do to change things. He’s I tears. I’m in tears.

Trying to decide what things will be best for him and how to help him leave me sleepless at night because I feel so inadequate.

My husband went through a career change last year after 22 years of the same work. There are many new adventures with that, but those are areas that are private to us, therefore I won’t share much on the topic. Again, something new and challenging in life.

Of course then, this past summer, he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer which was an interesting speed bump in our lives. He is doing great and the prognosis is very good but we are still taking the necessary medical steps needed to make sure he is totally cancer free. We are beyond grateful for how everything seamlessly came together for rapid surgery, doctor appointments etc. Grateful that he has been able to return to work and that he is getting stronger.

Then let’s not forget just other things that can show up like an unexpected house guest on any day.

In all of that…in all of LIFE…. I had a choice. I could keep embracing each day as good that held blessings ( even in the midst of hardship, sorrow or difficulties) or I could curl up and become bitter, ask the “why” question and miss out on all the fun, good, lovely and beautiful things that were still happening.

It really is a choice, isn’t it ? Oh, don’t get me wrong. There were days I wondered if I could stand. There were nights I’d creep into the shower, let the water wash over me, and sob in the corner praying for strength to keep moving forward. I’d be lying to you if I didn’t tell you I hit those struggles like anyone else. I didn’t feel strong…. or courageous then… I felt weak and helpless.

Maybe it’s how we are individually wired? Maybe it’s the faith each one of us may possess?

Perhaps, it’s a stubbornness in me that chooses to see the beauty of life, even as it has the nerve to keep moving forward while I’m in my pain, difficulties and struggles… life keeps moving on…

In my loss. In my grief. In my sleepless nights. In my struggles.

Life is beautiful people.

In the midst of all that makes up life, the good, the bad, the joy, the sorrow, don’t allow moments to be stolen from you that can be embraced.

We might not have a choice over the things that happen in our lives but we definitely have a choice in how we respond and how we embrace life in it.

You my friend… have a choice.

In the words of one of my favorite Sixx A.M. songs called Life is Beautiful……….

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.

Always.

Things My Mom Taught Me

My mom passed away last year in the early morning hours of April 24, 2014. I won’t ever forget the day she quietly stepped out of this world as it was also my daughters 16th birthday.

I miss her.

I miss her sometimes in ways that crush my chest and leave me feeling breathless. There are moments I still can’t believe she isn’t with me. Grief is a weird animal and yet, another blog I have yet to write on. I think perhaps, in a way, I’m still kind of afraid to sit down and write about it. I don’t like pain but I also understand there is healing in pain too.

Ah well dear reader in another moment I will feel up to tackling that topic because I know there isn’t a person on this big planet who won’t walk through the avenue of grief at some point in time.

But for now… for this post… I’m reflecting on things my Mom taught me. Maybe in a way, some type of tribute to her for what she invested into me and my life.

Her first born and only daughter ( my brother would come along 15 months later) we shared a close bond and enjoyed many similar things. She was always proud of me and supported me in everything I did. I can’t tell you the times I’d show up at the hospital and some member of the hospital staff (whom I’d never met) would see me and say… “you’re that marathon runner, aren’t you?” My mom had pics of me running hanging in her room and she took every opportunity to tell a new ~~victim~~ person about my activities.

Marathon running ( and training) of course requires a tremendous amount of strength, physically and mentally. I learned a lot about being strong from my mom. I am grateful in the last few months of her life I was able to recognize that strength in her in a new way and see how I had been blessed to have that as a part of my makeup. I don’t mean strong physically, although I am, I mean the deep strength of a woman who goes through difficulties and can stand under them. One who learns to move through the storm and grow in the process. A woman who chooses to keep seeing good and joy even in the face of hardship and difficulties.

A woman who makes a choice to fight back and not curl up and die. Strength. My mom embodied that and I’m grateful to be molded in a similar way.

Moving into fall and the approaching holidays makes me miss her more acutely ( I encountered this last year) the changing of seasons and upcoming festivities reminds me how much she loved and embraced all activities from now through New Years.

I’ve missed her enthusiasm and planning of dinners and activities. The plotting of menus. The brainstorming over gift ideas. She approached the “holiday season” with a childlike enthusiasm.

So I’ll start with this… she put a love in me for all things holiday. With the first crisp of fall air pumpkins, scarecrows and her homemade pumpkin bread showed up. Thanksgiving was always accompanied with some new recipe she wanted to try and her “gifting” was to deliver pies to suit every tastes for each person who would be there. When I say they dragged like, 12 homemade pies over to my home, I’m not exaggerating. Last year her gifting was sorely missed. I bake but don’t put the spread of pies out like she loved to do.

Christmas? Oh my goodness. It was a time to bless not only her family, but anyone in need she could find. Christmas was (is) about giving, sharing and family. She baked goodies to share with everyone she had connections with. Our home was always decked out ( no wonder I’ve grown up and my home is always all dressed up. Imagine my shock when I learned not everyone went through such effort to celebrate)

Special cookies. Stockings gently used from years of being hung with care. The anticipation of Santa’s arrival. Putting cookies out. Late night Christmas eve service. The picking of just the “perfect” tree. ( to this day… I want a big one. I have 12ft ceilings so why not ??) The lights. Evergreen. The Nativity set carefully arranged honoring Christ’s birth. The old cardboard village with the ( lead!) Barclay Santa and skaters nestled around it (this is my FAVORITE Christmas display which I’ll share in another post) Every area with something tucked into it.

My kids have grown up loving it and their friends have viewed it as going to a Christmas shop at times 😉 It makes the work all worth while. There’s something magical…. and that is the thing I guess my mom ( and grandmother) gave to me and I’m glad to give it to others.

I do so many similar things… traditions. Traditions that now my grown children want to do… there is something satisfying in that. Traditions involve family and a sharing of events that have been passed along from each generation.

She taught me how to invest into my family, my husband, to cook, bake, sew, keep a home, artfully arrange flowers, and make beautiful things. To be a cheerleader and encourager. I learned a Mom keeps things spinning.

20140428_150911 — My wedding, 31 years ago. Can I mention, she made my amazing dress? And did my flowers ?

Random things were meant to be celebrated. A good report card? It was Friday? Nailed a new job ? Successful on a test or something challenging? Whatever… there were simple moments that were worth something celebratory.

She modeled loving sacrificially in marriage. She went through many difficult things with my dad, one of the biggest was his diagnosis of Alzheimer’s a few years ago. She would share some things with me about dealing with him but as a mom, I know, sheltered me. Since I’ve had the responsibility of caring for him in this last year I see some of what she dealt with and feel bad I didn’t really understand to offer her more support in the difficulty of what she dealt with.

She taught me as a mom, that a mothers love is bottomless and that no matter what she was always there. Even in her last days she was concerned about some difficulties I was currently going through and insisted I talk about it. I miss being able to share those things with her.

She taught me how to love and be loving. How to give freely and from whatever I have. To be generous and selfless. To be kind to others. I learned to be content with what I have because if you aren’t content, then you are ungrateful for all you do have. I learned about working hard for what you want and not having an attitude of expecting to have things handed to you.

She told me about God and faithfully took me to church. She put me in a place that in the years to come would allow me to move into my own relationship with Him. She taught me how to love and trust Him.

She taught me to embrace life and that every single day we are given is a pure, sweet gift. She encouraged me to see the beauty of the world around me and always pointed me to the fact we had a Creator who had fashioned all we see.

On being a woman… she taught me things that I value so much now….

How to be a lady. To act classy. To stand up straight ( in my …younger years… I hadn’t embraced or become confident in my 6’0 frame and sometimes tended to…slouch) I’m grateful I learned how to carry myself with confidence thanks to her “encouragement” 😉

She taught me to be proud of myself and my accomplishments and to always keep trying no matter what.

I was raised to be polite, courteous, and respectful. On the flip side, I was also taught to stand up for myself and take nothing off of anyone.

I learned how to use makeup so I enhanced my looks without ( in her words) “looking like a clown”. I was schooled in the wearing of high heels so I didn’t “clop along like a girl who fell off a tractor” haha (My mom always had some lovely visual illustration to use)

let me tell you… today….I can rock a pair of high heels like no ones business… thanks mom…..

She often reminded me that being a woman, wife, and mother required some time to step away for myself and that was an ok thing to do.

20140428_213809 — A Sunday afternoon hanging out. Me most definitely pre-transformation days…

My mom was an amazing,strong, passionate, loving, generous and giving woman. I’m so blessed to have had her and her influence for almost 50 years of my life.

I do miss her tremendously. However, if somehow, I can carry on and share the things she taught me, her life will continue to live on as well.

And hey… if you still have your mom.. right now… call and tell her you love her and thank her for what she’s taught you.

50Something

So in earth shattering world news, I turned 51 on Saturday. You know what that means ? I survived a year of being 50 and am now officially “50something” 😉

I can tell you…. being 50 was pretty darn ok so I’m kinda geared towards 51 being rockin’ too.

Last year saw me hitting some of the biggest goals and challenges of my life.

Athletically, I ran my second marathon knocking 33 minutes off my previous years time. I attribute that to harder training and getting my nutrition even tighter.

I moved from that, into training for a 50K (31.7 miles) in March, doing that a little over 6 hours. I also did two half marathons in March.

By that time I had reached a point of being in the best physical condition of my life… at 50.

I had also increased time on my bike for cross training as well as challenging myself more with weights to build more muscle and make me an overall stronger runner.

Getting older ( I’ve learned) also means just getting down right comfy in your own skin and embracing who you are. I’ve allowed myself to pursue and do what I want to and not be hampered by the rules of others or the secret unwritten code of society that seeks to put women to sleep after they reach a certain age.

Shhh… and ladies… it’s ok to keep your edge… really 😉

And the other thing I’ve learned (really in the past couple years) if you wanna do something…do it. What are you waiting for ? It’s your life…live it…do those things you think about… do something that’s been hanging out in your mind… dare to be different.

And in saying that…. I just got my second tattoo on Thursday and I’m totally in love with it. I’ve had the idea cooking for awhile in my head. When I contacted my artist and told him what I wanted I sat back to eagerly await what his rendition would look like. So when he contacted me for a Thursday appt and shot me the design to approve, it seemed like a perfect birthday present for me (there’s a good way to kick off birthday weekend )

I’ve had a few people tell me that it fits me perfectly…like it belongs there….and it does. …

My explanation? It’s like an inner piece of me revealed. It’s been a part of me for awhile… now it’s just visible.

I’ll share with you what’s behind it…. life… has been teaching me.

In the past year or so I’ve learned it takes a lot of courage to live… not just exist…but to live. To stand when you don’t think you can stand… to see beauty in life when the storms are crashing in. To have courage when you feel like hiding or running away.

The rose represents the beauty and fragility of life. The sword piercing the rose is a reminder that although life is beautiful, it’s often harsh and not always a bed of roses.
The sword is a powerful weapon, one that is taken up to stand and fight, to stand against the trials and difficulties that come. The sword represents a warrior spirit, courage, and a never say die attitude towards life. It represents the strength to endure. Spiritually it’s a reminder of the One who’s strength, courage and power rest in me.

Together, it all tells such a beautiful story.

You see, even though I had some amazing personal triumphs in my 50th year, I had some painful losses and life things that brought grief and struggle. Life takes courage to live.

I lost my mom in April and had to face my first birthday without her… a milestone birthday she should’ve been here to share with me. This year… as loved and surrounded as I have been by family and friends I’m aware of her presence not with me. Losing her meant taking over with my dad who has Alzheimers and maintaining his home and trying to make the best choices for him. His condition has rapidly declined with mom’s passing.

My husband parted ways from his company after 23 years to take a new job that involved traveling and being gone from home all week, and sometimes two weeks at a time. I learned to step up even more handling and dealing with everything on the home front and then.. there’s just all the life stuff in general.

And of course, let’s not forget, our most recent adventure with his thyroid cancer.

I don’t tell you these things to whine. Or to feel sorry for me.

I won’t negate my feelings though… it has been hard at various times… sometimes… crushing.

that’s when I started thinking about how life demands so much courage for us to keep living and finding beauty and laughter and joy in the dark places.

Courage demands I take a stand and fight back to live and appreciate life, even in the hard times.

So it was with an overflowing heart and fresh awareness through out my birthday weekend at how blessed I am.

To have an evening celebrating with all my kids, niece and nephew and their kids and other family… was wonderful. On the day of my birthday, just time being home and later dinner out with hubby for some one on one time was nice. I wrapped up the weekend on Sunday by picking up my gift I had asked for….. a new little road bike. Nothing fancy at all, but I’ve almost worn the wheels off the mountain bike I got a couple years ago. ( I’m slowly creeping along to becoming a cyclist… eek… THAT is a pricey hobby) but you know what? My body doesn’t know if it’s on a pricey bike or not… it’s just out there working hard 😉

So yeah, I’m grateful. Another year. New challenges and goals to tackle. New opportunities for growth.

Who wouldn’t be excited?