This post is for every woman who has ever thought she has to move through this world shrinking, and not taking up space. For every woman who has thought if she were somehow some perfect small size her worth and value would increase.
Society pushes it at us.
Smaller this. Lesser that. Just ….be….less…..
I guess for years I chased that ideal.
In my youth, I had hit my height of 6’0 sometime in middle school. Not cool. Boys were a long way from appreciating long and leggy at that point in time.
I was as tall or taller than boys pretty much through high school. Did I mention how awkward and difficult that was at times ??
I longed to be like some of my friends who were 5ft something and 110lbs soaking wet. My mom would constantly remind me to stand up straight… keep my shoulders back… I wasn’t overweight by any stretch….
I just wanted to take up less space.
Once out of school in the real world I realized being tall wasn’t a liability. As I got older I appreciated it more and more.
After settling into life, marriage, and having babies I had gotten “comfortable” (which is my nice way of saying I had put on extra weight I didn’t need to have).
I was definitely… soft and fluffy.
Eight years ago I started on my health and fitness journey.
My goal at that point? Smaller. Take up less space. Shrink. Be less.
Being less meant being more, right ?
Now hear me… I knew for my health I needed to drop some pounds. I trust that you, my reading friend, know if you need to take those same steps…for your health.
And I did… I lost weight.. dropped sizes… lost inches. I got smaller. After all, isn’t that what the world tells us we should strive for ?
The scale, my judge and jury, applauded my efforts.
However, along the way, after I had lost the weight I desired and started building muscle I realized I liked having a strong, solid, powerful body and taking up some space.
I stopped thinking about numbers and what the scale said ( if you haven’t, be sure and check out my Scale Experiment post on that topic)
Until recently…. I had to start thinking about numbers and sizes and all things related as I prepared for my sons wedding.
I had found the “perfect” dress.
If I wanted to make sure it was an absolute “fit like a glove dress”, I could send them my measurements and have a dress custom made for me.
That seemed like a plan. So there I was after ( forever long) of not thinking of sizes or numbers, getting my measurements for the dress.
Ok this isn’t a blog on the perfect mother of the groom dress ( although…. 😉 I might not give any thought to what my current pant size is ( ha what is it??) or my measurements, but more about what numbers do matter to me now…..
How many miles can I run ? What pace can I push and for how long ? Riding my bike, how many miles can I get into a ride? How fast can I keep my speed? Lifting weight… what’s the heaviest dead lift I can do? How many squats will my body handle before it says “enough!” ? How many reps can I do working my core with several different exercises? How many push ups? How long can I plank ?
Those numbers matter to me now.
Ironically, so many of the exercises I’ve been doing are building me and pushing me out of certain clothes… but I’m really ok with that.
I can take up my space in this world and don’t have to make a single apology for it.
Neither do you.
Be healthy. Be strong. Take up your own space.
What do you think? Have you ever felt like you needed to be “less” to be “more”? Have you had any struggles with that? Or have you moved through a point where you comfortable with taking up your own space in the world?
Share with me.